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1. Elsa was–twist!–both of the dead parents the whole time!
2. Kristoff dies in a freak icicle accident and it's fine because boys are terrible anyway.
3. Olaf learns how to smell. This doesn't drive the plot forward at all.
4. Princess Anna was actually Princess Leia the whole time.
5. Olaf was actually Chewbacca the whole time.
6. It's Frozen, but live-animation starring Allison Williams as Olaf.
7. The film is a live-stream from Prince Hans's moldy jail cell. Directed by Tim Burton.
8. Whew! It was just North West's dream!
9. Princess Anna's wedding is actually Z100's Jingle Ball during which Nicki Minaj and Justin Bieber perform.
10. Kris Jenner forces Princess Anna into a hair extension shilling contract. Olaf saves the day.
11. Arya Stark teaches Princess Anna how to braid her hair, sealing a friendship that can finally bridge the small and big screen divide.