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Introducing Doll, Racked's first transgender guest blogger. Always secretly wishing he'd been born a Barbie, Doll was a young army brat who grew up and became a citizen of the world. After landing in Manhattan, he became a New York fashion insider, working in a high-powered industry position, living a life worthy of a feature film.
After mysteriously vanishing from the scene, Doll recently resurfaced and has embarked on a new roller-coaster ride of a journey. Follow his transformation, week by week, right here on Racked.
“Fashion fades, style is eternal” —Yves Saint Laurent
"Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" —How about throwing in a transgender in that mix?
Doll: My darling friend Monica is saying her I Dos next week and I’m stuck with the dilemma of what to wear. Actually in my case it’s not so much what to wear but how to dress—dress being the operative word. To be or not to be in a dress? That is the question.
For the past three years I've watched how Monica and her future husband’s relationship blossom. I met her shortly after they met, developed a close relationship with them both, and even played a role in making sure he "put a ring on it." This beautiful couple has also given me their unconditional love and support with regards to my transition. So, to say the least, I consider them very dear and near to my heart.
Since the majority of Monica and her future husbands friends and family have met me as a boy, and mostly come from conservative Catholic backgrounds, I am incredibly wary of being viewed as a spectacle. I am still in the middle of my journey, becoming a woman, so I still look physically awkward and because I am not yet living full-time as a woman, the decision on how I should present myself is a concern.
Naturally, in deference to the bride-to-be, I asked her what she suggested. After all, it is her special day and anything she wants must be followed. Initially she was concerned I would look like a freak when we had this conversation during the early stages of her wedding planning. However, several months have passed, my physical appearance has morphed since then and after attending her bridal shower two weeks ago I was mistaken by her guests as being her other college girlfriend—mind you, I showed up to the party as an androgynous boy sans make-up.
This made me realize that even if I’m wearing all my boy clothes, nowadays I am already being seen as a woman. So why show up wearing a suit and tie right!?
During the interim, I have been setting aside clothing options for either gender I will need to portray. If I do end up wearing a suit, I definitely envision myself channeling YSL’s iconic Le Smoking ensemble. Monica and I were out shopping the other day to buy safari inspired outfits for her honeymoon in South Africa, and store after store we both were greeted by courteous sales clerks saying “Good Afternoon Ladies”, “Can I help show you anything Ladies?” “Have a good day, Ladies!”.
Shortly after, as we sat down in a café for some afternoon tea, we had this casual conversation below
Monica: Doll, maybe you should wear a dress to my wedding?
Me: Are you sure? Coz I’ll wear anything you want me to wear darling!
Monica: Well you already look like a girl and everyone thinks you are a lady! Hmmmmm but, let me think about it some more.
I’m sure I can pull of wearing a dress without looking like a freak in her wedding, but I would stil want that final decision to come from my beloved Monica.
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