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Global Warming: Robbing Us of the Best Dressing Season of the Year

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You know Frank—he's been writing about menswear, sales, television, new shops, the recession, Lisa Loeb, the Golden Girls and getting blasted for Racked and Racked New York for over a year. Well, we think it's time you got to know him and his quirky-irreverent views on life and fashion (which—as far as he's concerned—are essentially the same thing) even better with his brand new column: Love, Frank. Taking the form of an open letter and always signed with love, Frank will rant about whatever style-related conundrum he encounters in a given week. So buckle your two-toned leather Moschino belts, folks, it's going to be ? Something.

All the layers we can't wear via Tommy Ton/GQ.

Dear Fall,

Don't get us wrong—you're our absolute favorite season. As the dog days of summer wind into September all we can think about are swirling rainbows of tartan, elbow patches and brown suede, cowl necks, tasseled scarves, and an excuse for treating mustard and plum (and oxblood and emerald and rust and midnight blue ?) as the modern neutrals that they absolutely are.

And, whatever, the foliage and crisp breezes and blue skies and the gourds and all that crap.

Why are we lying? What's the point of acting all human about it? Frankly, aside from all the clothes and the fact that you can wear them all at once, we really only care about the Halloween candy.

But, hello, it's 70 degrees right now, and it's not September—it's practically the end of October. Not cool, Fall—70 degrees is not shawl collar-friendly. When are we supposed to wear our heavy-knit herringbones? Our twisted fair isles? Our leather everything?

Global warming is depriving you the opportunity of providing us—the layering-obsessed—our fair and much-deserved shot at the best (and, sadly) shortest season for dressing. In ten minutes all of our intricately-assembled, multi-patterned and variously-textured layers will be obscured by the bulky coats gusting winter weather requires.

Don't get us wrong, our coats are gorgeous, too—but we are best defined by a striped tee, under a checked woven, under a cable-knit cardigan, under a jean jacket, under a velvet-collared, pinstriped top coat, all over plaid jeans, and accessorized by a very expensive silk-backed wool scarf and a gigantic tote bag. Essentially, we are being robbed of dressing as our best selves; and we're not going to take it anymore.

Well, we'd like to not have to take it anymore.

Just thinking of the sad, lonely autumn clothing weepy and despondent in our collective closets is making us weepy and despondent.

Fall: We thought you should know; and want you to maybe consider doing something about it. We'll be over here sweating in our layers.

· Love, Frank [RNA]