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To be honest, we assumed Bravo's Project Runway rip the Fashion Show had aired it's final episode. Season one was bad—aimless and derivative and, let's be honest, no-one we knew believed for a second that Destiny's Orphan Kelly Rowland had half a clue about anything fashion-related or, for that matter, any real right to critique anything fashion-related.
But a second season premiered last night; and by Isaac Mizrahi's side: Supermodel and Mrs. David Bowie Iman. The premise has been freshened up as well: The designers—there are 12—were divided at random into two teams. Each team represents a fashion house (the blue team and the green team, Nami (suck ups just spelled Iman backwards and voila!) and Emerald Syx respectively) and each week each team must produce a cohesive collection. One team will win, the other will lose—and the losers will have to say goodbye to their most offending teammate. Eventually finalists will design their own collections for a chance at cash and a spread in Harper's Bazaar.
The episode opened with the initial 12 presenting an existing design—something that represents their aesthetic and attitude. It was interesting. Then teams were divvied up and drama began rapidly unfolding. Nami's mostly-white High Fashion/Africana collection won, and Cesar's monotone animal print gown was the favorite. And now, our top ten moments from episode 1:
10.) Designer Mike is a douche. First, he bragged about being to over 300 runway shows—congratulations, you can count and you've mastered RSVPing as well as arriving to places earlier than 20 minutes late. Then, as everyone else in the room is aflutter over meeting Isaac mere minutes after meeting Iman: "I live in LA, I see celebrities all the time. It's not that impressive." We can tell you all about unimpressive. Finally, judging Emerald Syx's collection: "We'd have to not finish three garments and drop everything in a pool of blood to not win." Statements like that make us want to see you lose, Mike.
9.) Oh, Iman. You're fantastic. Contenders are visibly awed (and terrified) by you. They you go on and introduce your own highlight reel before describing your personality as "bubbly but sometimes prickly."
8.) Some observations: Those star-spangled patriotic scissors were so cute! Who cares if they're dull! Calvin wears two watches. Jeffrey wears liquid leather metallic leggings. Cesar seems like a sweetheart but his teeth are distracting like Jewel's teeth are distracting.
7.) God, even the models on these shows are total charlatans. The first girl out literally couldn't walk—how tight was that dress? The second managed to completely forget to open her jacket to reveal its lining and the dress underneath. Wow.
6.) So, designers didn't know they were going to have to work in teams. The fallen faces once this important fact was announced were priceless.
5.) Isaac on Iman: "Oh that little minx!"
4.) Oh poor, sad, damaged Dominique on annoying, token-straight-dude-designer David: "I've tried the fashion designer/straight guy thing—I don't know if i believe it."
3.) So Calvin is pretty much the worst person ever. He actually should've been sent home (or, if you will, dubbed "out of fashion") over Francine—but, let's be honest, he's the drama and the crazy and the attitude and the star everyone is going to love to hate. Even if he keeps producing crap he'll probably make it to the finale. At least he can serve as a whole new barely comprehensible monstrosity to tear apart. On working in teams: "Me, Calvin Tran, working with people. Oh, here go hell come." On how his attitude is affecting his teammates: "I think they will hate my face." On a limited fabric and trim budget: "A $100 each person? How can you make anything?" And, if you don't like his clothes: "Use them to clean the floor."
2.) Francine was at odds with Mr. Calvin from the beginning. The two had a blow-out before the runway show. It ended when she screamed: "You can't even speak so just shut the fuck up!" Meanwhile, Cindy—who might be just slightly less confrontational if doubly immature: "I really don't know who's going to go home." Pause. Grin. "Calvin! Calvin! Calvin!" Oh, there absolutely was fist-pumping.
1.) Eek: Iman doesn't seem to like Calvin either. First, he tries to pass yellow off as golden, then backpedals by saying yellow and golden are the same—you say tomato! Iman, on the edge, "it's not a tomato or a tomato—it's a yellow!" Seconds later as Isaac explains that the trim Calvin used doesn't look upscale, Iman—screaming—interupts: "You mean cheap!" It is a fashion emergency and it needs an evacuation." End scene, Calvin sucks.