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The second installment of Bravo's refreshed the Fashion Show aired last night—and, well, Calvin is still a jerk. While no-one was sent home someone still went home—Mike, the LA asshole, buckled under the pressure. After spending a full evening slapping dye-dripping yarn around on fabric and shredding the design he only just started work on he disappeared, never to be heard from again (we're willing to bet).
But we digress: The contestants we're taken to the Bodies exhibit and told to use the horror show of skinless, preserved corpses as inspiration—yum! Last minute twist: Each look was to be partially convertible. Team Emerald (they dropped the Syx since they dropped their sixth) turned out a hyper-literal collection of shiny blood red Christmas card portrait dresses paired with a litany of asinine boleros. Team Nami, on the other hand, produced a chic collection of flesh-hued ensembles. Shock of shocks: Nami won; with Eduardo's dress coming out on top.
And now, our top ten moments from episode 2:
10.) Cesar: Please never stop calling Calvin a "dramatic Asian queen."
9.) Especially since, now that he's gone and totally forgotten, you won't be able to refer to Mike as "a schmuck, just a schmuck."
8.) Who taught Calvin English? "I look at your crap and right there it not look good;" "I did very well job there;" and, our favorite, on ticking clocks and deadlines and confidence in a job well done: "And if I touch that shit again I cut my finger off!" Really, we'd like to see Calvin star in his own reality series. He'll teach English, or his version of English. Just imagine the hi-jinks! Hilarity! Calvin's ample, always-on-display cleavage can costar.
7.) Oh man, Tamara's dress! That out-of-nowhere random square across the bust line! The hem coming apart before the judges very eyes! Well done, Tamara, well done.
6.) Mike on Cesar's winning African-themed dress from episode 1: "There's no snow leopards in Africa." Serious sour grapes! Thing is, we're guessing Mike's noose-monster sack of a gown wasn't a close runner up. Whatever, he's gone—moving on!
5.) Okay, one more thing about Mike: Who saw that sketch? The figure looked like she was wearing a pile of pubic hair.
4.) Can we talk about the guest judge's mustache? Actually, we'd prefer not talking about it.
3.) Calvin's inspiration story for the collection was this crazy meandering nothing of cursing, broken English and hate. Between his agog and eventually loudly protesting teammates and our glass-shattering laughter all we really caught was something "big-ass" being "in the fucking background" and a whole bunch of "can you just chill out first" asides.
2.) Also, his dismay at Jeffrey being appointed head designer—pretty great.
1.) Iman on Calvin's dress-cape-thing that turned into a backpack-thing or whatever: "That dress has more tricks than a hooker." Now, don't misunderstand—this particular moment is more of a hysterical "really?" than a "wow, that Iman sure is clever—we don't miss Michael Kors at all!" That said, she did get some points a bit later when she started shouting at Calvin: "You're stubborn! You're a dictator! You criticize everybody!" And, our favorite, the back-handed compliment: "Honestly you may have more talent than anyone else here—but nobody can stand to work with you. Something has to change!" Cue twist: With uneven teams, no-one to send packing and an unfair Calvin disadvantage, Calvin was shipped off to Nami and Cesar to Emerald. We have a funny feeling Emerald is about to start getting really good ?