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A Simple Request for a Few Little, Minor Nothings This Christmas

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You know Frank—he's been writing about menswear, sales, television, new shops, the recession, Lisa Loeb, the Golden Girls and getting blasted for Racked for over a year. Well, we think it's time you got to know him and his quirky-irreverent views on life and fashion even better with his brand new column: Love, Frank. Taking the form of an open letter and always signed with love, Frank will rant about whatever style-related conundrum he encounters in a given week. So buckle your two-toned leather Moschino belts, folks, it's going to be ? Something.

Image via some Mercedes message board

Dear Santa,

We think we've been fairly well-behaved this year and—as such—are more than a little deserving of finding a few little trinkets under our Christmas trees. Nothing crazy, just some dribs and drabs to keep our lives merry and bright as we embark upon the rest of this very long winter and a brand new year.

For starters you should probably take a gander at all four Love, Frank Gift Guides we've thrown together this year. You know, just doing our charitable part to help those who might not love the act of shopping like we do with a little inspiration.

We would be happy to receive almost any of those items barring the handful we already own—Take Ivy and that body wash, and those desert boots because our slut red pair by Jil Sander pretty much makes navy by Ben Sherman irrelevant. Specifically, that Margiela sweater. And a fur-lined anything from Michael Kors. And that Adam Kimmel shirt. Oh, and don't bother with the tie and wallet from Jack Spade—we want the purple leather weekender.

Besides those meager suggestions we would like to point you in the direction of some of the spring menswear collections—specifically Marni, Trussardi, Moschino, Neil Barrett, Dunhill, Pringle of Scotland and Givenchy. We know only a tiny trickle of that spring stuff is in stores by now but we figure you have connections so just do your best. If you run into trouble we understand—just focus on Marni. Oh, and Viktor & Rolf.

We could also use some help trimming our apartment for the season and were definitely inspired by that crazy $11 million Christmas tree in the United Arab Emirates that Gawker told us about. Don't get us wrong, that particular tree is entirely too garish; but we would be lying if we didn't appreciate the concept. Rather than many-carated jewels and traditionally pretty jewelry we were thinking assorted Margiela baubles; pretty much any and every pendant and/or pair of sunglasses etched with Karen Walker's name; an array of ties—Prada, Gucci, Paul Smith, whatever, just go to Barneys; a variety of new eyewear looks (starting with houndstooth frames by Ralph Lauren); and a broad but very well-edited cache of vintage and current Swatch watches.

We're sensing some rolling eyes but, seriously, an accessory-trimmed tree makes a lot of sense (we can rationalize anything). By avoiding going out and buying decorations we're consuming less. And when Christmas is over we won't need to store anything—which is a total bonus since we're total minimalists; practically Buddhist in our rejection of worldly possessions.

Anyway, this is kind of turning into a pretty large load. Just bring everything by in that red 1969 Mercedes 280 SL convertible roadster with buttercream leather interior we've been pining over. But, seriously, take note: If there's no giant velvet car bow on top—don't bother. That bow has always had a starring role in our getting-cars-as-gifts fantasies and, frankly, its absence would pretty much negate the whole situation.

Also, like, world peace. And some new corduroys. And Romy and Michele's High School Reunion on DVD. And a Luscious Jackson reunion.

Thanks, Santa!

· Love, Frank [RNA]