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So, all the fashion weeks are over, but there are still new episodes of Bravo's Kell On Earth. They're just not as interesting. Take last night's for example: not a lot happened. Kelly acknowledged the recession and the staff count continued to dwindle (we think this has more to do with the, uh, work environment than the economy); everyone tried to relax a little after fashion week craziness but no-one really did; and the staff worked on a lookbook for Xeniya, a line of crappy licensed party dresses, before attempting to drum up new business with a visit to hat designer Stephen Jones. Most of the action centered on Robyn attempting to flirt—we were uncomfortable; and Andrew hosting darkly-themed parties in the mansion his parents bought for him.
Without further adieu, our top ten moments from Kell On Earth episode 6:
10.) Some might think Kelly’s lifestyle might not be ideal for raising a child. But just look at the values she’s instilled in little Ava. Like snobbery—Ava hates Walmart, saying “it’s so bad there” and calling it “the enemy of Target.” To her grandmother.
9.) More motherly wisdom: “kids are like beans! They just grow!”
8.) That is so not how you pronounce milliner, Kelly. It doesn’t matter how expensive the hats are.
7.) Andrew—a walking Edward Gorey illustration, mind you—on his place at People’s Revolution: “I keep morale up!” See, you shouldn’t judge a book by its Rick Owens-draped, metal-studded cover.
6.) Speaking of, who liked Andrew better before knowing he was a rich kid who never actually had to work and lives alone in a vast, new apartment on 57th St. furnished with fine art in gilded frames and Versace furniture? He’s not stitching up gothy skirts and pairing them with dog collars and finds from St. Mark’s Place and Hot Topic—that stuff is actually Rick Owens. And when he wanted to host an Addams Family-themed dinner party he called mommy (his parents live next door) to get the candles, the table, the roses (he did snip off the blossoms himself, however), the black linens, and the catering.
5.) Meanwhile, further south, the Witches of Eastwick (Kelly, Robyn, Emily) eye-raped a cute waiter before destroying his life with a series of whorish, horrifying questions concluding with Kelly—embarrassed and eyes down—asking: “what’s the soup?”
4.) While the Addams and the Witches drank and made merry, Stephanie was still at work. But, bonus, she wasn’t crying for once.
3.) The office is severely understaffed. Is it the recession or “because we fired like every single person that works here?”
2.) “I consider quitting every day of my life.” Then he did. Other-Andrew (Tandrew) quit remotely while visiting California. The ensuing sad piano music was hysterical.
1.) And wouldn’t you quit? Verbally assaulted daily, raking in $15,000 a year, usually in tears, kept from tanning (cue zoom on Britney Spears “stronger than yesterday” tattoo and red Kabbalah yarn)—his was not an easy existence.
· All Kell On Earth coverage [Racked]