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Introducing Doll, Racked's first transgender guest blogger. Always secretly wishing he'd been born a Barbie, Doll was a young army brat who grew up and became a citizen of the world. After landing in Manhattan, he became a New York fashion insider, working in a high-powered industry position, living a life worthy of a feature film.
After mysteriously vanishing from the scene, Doll recently resurfaced and has embarked on a new roller-coaster ride of a journey. Follow his transformation, week by week, right here on Racked.
Scene from Doll's vanity.
“Love of beauty is taste. The creation of beauty is art.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
Doll: Like a seasoned method actor, a transgender learns her role and shapes her own character—all while coming to terms with her own gender identity.
I, myself, get into character everyday, performing this role—not just as a woman but as an idealized one. I am most inspired by what I feel are a women's most attractive physical attributes. My personal care regimens have subsequently become more disciplined than that of most men's and have even surpassed that of most women's. The estrogen hormone injections, testosterone blocker pills, various vitamins and supplements, a strict diet, routine exercise, and rigorous beauty regimens are imperative when trying to achieve the ideal feminine form.
Basically, it's a 24/7 up-keep that I've committed to for life!
Knowing that I will be undergoing major surgeries in the coming months (SRS, FFS, breast augmentation, maybe even get a rib removed? only to name a few), I have started maintaining a healthier lifestyle. My diet now mostly consists of foods rich in the mineral boron, because it boosts estrogen levels in the body. I have patterned my eating habits to how slim women eat—slowly training myself to eat like a bird in tiny bites and small portions.
My exercise routines have also changed over the past few months, as I am now extremely wary of gaining butch muscles that would make me look like a John Goodman lumberjack rather than Kate Moss-gamine. I strive towards achieving a toned look rather than acquiring more mass. I mostly do a combination of various cardiovascular exercises. Pilates on the mat and the reformer, and weekly Physique 57 classes all help keep me fit and sculpt my body to better resemble the female form. My body will be the paradigm of beauty, discipline, and science. Perfection.
"The innocent and the beautiful, have no enemy but time." —W.B. Yeats
Skin: I consider this the greatest investment you'll ever make, especially as you age. I spend a good portion of my mornings and evenings on beauty rituals. Taking good care of my skin is a religious experience for me. My skin only keeps getting smoother and more supple as my body reacts to the hormones. The best advice I’ve been given is to stay far away from the sun! Cleanse, exfoliate, moisturize, and always use sunscreen.
The thought of aging has always given me severe anxiety so I've been using anti-aging products since I was in high school, and have always been under the constant care of a dermatologist. That being said, I undergo monthly facials and laser hair removal for my entire face. Laser hair removal is a lady’s friend, especially if she has hair on parts other than her head, eyebrows, and eyelashes. How much fun do you girls have shaving your stems and treasure trails? That’s right, not much. Well neither do I.
Weekly Kerastase hair treatments are another beauty essential, as are teeth whitening strips and nightly hand and foot moisturizing gloves and socks. (You don’t want to be cuddling up in bed with a friend with barnacles on your feet, do you?) I have weekly manicures and pedicures—for now, I'm sticking to short nails and clear polish. Once my transition moves further along, I'll start using neutral colors. Boring, but subtlety is key.
I must admit, I revel in all the maintenance and upkeep necessary to be a lady.
Prior to starting my transition I was already disciplined in every aspect of my life, because I am a perfectionist. However, there is no pre-existing step-by-step guidebook that teaches a man how to become a woman.
I am very fortunate to have some help, not only from my dolls, but from a veteran transgendered woman who I fondly call Mamá. She has lovingly taken me under her wing to help me understand everything that's going through my head and know what to expect physically, emotionally, and mentally during the entire transitional process. She’s been there, done that. She is truly in a league of her own and is a living testament that with discipline, dedication and science, nothing is impossible.
Next week I will introduce you to her.
Until then, Au Revoir!
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