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One of Rachel Zoe's most memorable lines from last night's episode of Bravo's The Rachel Zoe Project was in reference to her probably-thieving former assistant Taylor: "I can't say anything because I'm too busy taking the high road." Now, while the sentiment is honorable, and most any road is probably higher than Taylor's Bad Attitude Boulevard, we can't help but think the Taylor skewering is getting a little out of hand.
The episode opened with Rachel and Brad on a shopping date at Fred Segal where they hoped to "cleanse the energy of Taylor" with some new pretty. Later, Brad—it was definitely Brad's turn to shred—likens his Taylor emancipation to burning a bra and Taylor's energy to "a big dark rain cloud." And, when he isn't blabbing to his pilates instructor (so, pilates: Noted) about how Taylor "didn't quit" he's gushing that newbie "Ashley is different from Taylor, well, for number one, she hasn't stolen anything yet." Meow!
In other news: It's Golden Globes madness (Remember the rain? It was a "Fashion Disaster") as the crew psychotically prepares looks for Jennifer Garner, Molly Sims, Paula Patton and Kate Hudson. Meanwhile, Rachel's biological clock is ticking and Rodger—who needs to stop with the hair, all we can see when we look at him is Justin Bieber and as Valerie Cherish might say, "I don't wanna see that"—seeks out some much-needed hetero-male time. Rachel totally gets it: "I'm so over [Rodger's] heterosexuality and this whole "man" thing."
And, with that, our top ten moments:
10.) Rachel decided that Brad's Freg Segal, post-Taylor makeover should be butchier (which doesn't explain the duster Brad was wearing at one point in the montage). He ended up dressed like Rodger: Gauzy little scarf, whiskery jeans, layered v-necks, big, dumb boots. Brad wasn't so into it: "I feel like a lesbian!"
9.) In the midst of Brad's empathizing with the challenge Ashley faced trying to horn her way into the Rachel and Brad Club, she gave it a whirl. Her comments were utterly drowned out by the duo's gushing and when she stood up to join in she basically ended up unsuccessfully lurking around them and the racks before slithering back to her desk. We sympathize—we laugh—but we sympathize.
8.) "How do you pose without a train?" Rachel, this is a battle we face every day of our lives.
7.) So, Taylor styled an unnamed celebrity for the Globes. She might be a nominee. Rachel's response—pursed lips and a hair flip—was pure gold.
6.) New Rachelism of note: "Having only one option is not an option." Agreed!
5.) So, sounds like Rodger's getting antsy about starting a family, saying Rachel is "at the age." Uh, at least, but we digress: Babies were a recurring reference, but our favorite nugget fell from Rodger's lips: "Who else is going to wear all [Rachel's] vintage clothes? We need a daughter. Badly."
4.) Rodger again: He likens Taylor to a terrorist. He isn't entirely wrong, she does terrorize.
3.) Omigod, so some unauthorized and unidentified messenger—or thief!—picked up some crazy Versace couture gown from some hotel before Rachel's messenger got to it. All of Rachel's hopes and dreams are hanging on this dress (mind you, she's only seen a sketch of it). Mayhem and shortness of breath and threatenings of police involvement ensued while Rachel floated theories of evil, rival stylists—perhaps Taylor—stealing the dress, hiding the dress, hording the dress (and probably laughing about it). Turns out the thing ended up in Malibu—at Pierce Brosnan's house of all places. And, shocker, the dress was meh and no-one even tried it on.
2.) Rachel's reaction to Molly Sims and her boobs: "Holy shitballs."
1.) Who else was dying as they were going through jewelry options for Golden Globes outfits? Rachel kind of was, she was literally moaning: "A dress is just a dress until you add the jewels." Cut to the tray of Van Cleef & Arpels, utterly ransacked save a single chunky chain lolling about and lonely.