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By 10:30 last night we already felt like the season finale of Bravo's The Rachel Zoe Project should've been over. A lot had happened; but nothing much happened. The episode opened with a shoot for Love magazine; then traveled east to New York for the Met Ball and a Piperlime shoot with an aspiring, contest-winning stylist (as heard on our couch last night as Rachel and the baby-stylist were meeting: "It must be creepy to touch her." "Yeah, like hugging a bag of bones in fake fur."); and finally headed back to Los Angeles for the requisite baby-making and biological clocking ticking discussions—Rachel even went to see a "lady doctor." Will she get pregnant? Who knows. Can she get pregnant? Ahem—who knows. Is she afraid of sacrificing her career or terrified that she's too old or too weak? Well, we have a guess.
Anyway, along the way we met Anne Hathaway; got some almost Taylor-style 'tude from Brad; and—per usual—talked a lot about Chanel.
And, with that, our top ten moments:
10.) This Love shoot was a whole lotta manufactured-for-TV stress, wasn't it? Brad wanted to pull the stuff they definitely weren't taking; Rachel wanted to pull the stuff they were definitely taking. Rachel wanted the clothes in a certain place—but the rack didn't fit through the door; Brad didn't want to put the clothes there—because the rack didn't fit through the door. Brad got all bitchy; Rachel talked about being the boss so don't get all bitchy. It drizzled. Blah. Levity: That stupid mini-top hat hanging from the end of the rack.
9.) While on hats: Brad's bowler hat-printed shirt! Adorable!
8.) And while we're on the Love shoot: Rachel's delight in her work is pretty charming. "What's better than Chanel and D&G on the beach?" Um, we can think of a few things—how about like anything that isn't fur or cable knit? But it's editorial and Rachel couldn't be more adorably moved: "I'm not only dying but i'm actually dead—Chanel does that to me all the time."
7.) Less adorable: Rachel in that first, daisy-printed Marc Jacobs dress. Yikes. Fortunately she went with a different option for the ball. Either way, she later described herself as E.T. and her boobs as "'70s disco titties."
6.) Even less adorable: Anne Hathaway and basically everything she does on the Rachel Zoe Project or anywhere. Get off our TVs. Stop trying so hard. And Brad's saying "she's kind of a gay man trapped in a woman's body" is pretty much an insult.
5.) Rachel's fantasy beach retirement is built on a foundation of "caftans and tons of jewelry." Rachel, get out of our brains!
4.) And, frankly, she could use a vacation, she's so tired she had "like a whole thing of Louis Vuitton luggage under [her] eyes right now." Her sister: Target. Fantasy us: Goyard. Reality us: Not even Target.
3.) "I've been consumed by fashion since I came out of my mother's womb."
2.) Rachel waking Brad up at the hotel was hysterical—he was not even alive yet Rachel continued going down her list of chores at lightning speed and hilariously failing at opening the curtains. She tried to get into bed with him but he was on "her side." Was he dressed? Dressed enough for Piperlime: "Oh it's perfect—all you need is a bow tie!" Meanwhile: Brad is horrified—he still has "crusties" in his eyes.
1.) How cute is Brad—he loves his boyfriend, he loves his dogs. He doesn't think he wants to be the next Rachel Zoe. He just wants to be the next Brad Goreski. Adorable.