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Last night, on the seventh episode of Bravo's the Fashion Show, the six remaining contestants were brought to a chapel and split into pairs. Each pair was assigned an engaged gay couple and asked to design that couple's gay wedding looks. Both lesbian couples looked absolutely great—Jeffrey was crying! However, the third couple was male—and you know what happens on any fashion reality show when contestants are asked to create menswear, or anything tailored. It was a disaster, with Calvin putting the Korean in a samurai sushi-chef cloak and Cindy dressing his moderately-substantial fiancé in a shiny, slinky, mismatched-black Jetsons suit with lolling lapels and painfully straining buttons.
Cindy had never designed menswear—and, oh, side note: She isn't okay with gay marriage—she was sent packing. Dominique—who spent the entire episode pining for just-dismissed hipster-crush David—won, despite the "irony" of designing for loving couples immediately after losing the love of her six-weeks-filming-a-reality-show. Her dress—a simple, purposely-rumpled linen tube dress for a lesbian couple's beach wedding (aka the lesbian-linen version of Carolyn Bissett's Narciso Rodriguez wedding dress)—narrowly beat out Eduardo's. His, a retro cocktail dress in mustard (we so approve of a mustard wedding dress) for a second quirky-dandy lesbian couple, was also praised.
All this doesn't quite seem like television magic? Well, Rachel Zoe and Johnny Weir guest-judged.
And now, our top ten moments from episode 7:
10.) We love that Dominique is utterly broken without David—really? As she pines Calvin acts all understanding to her face, then walks away saying "the bitch gonna pay back."
9.) At the chapel, a ring-bearer distributed the rings that determined team and client pairings. When he was through, robot-monster Iman dismissed him: "Thank you, Tommy." It was pretty funny, you probably had to see it.
8.) Apparently a lesbian who considers herself a dandy is essentially a gay man in a lesbian woman's body and this is, like, an actual thing? Who says you can't learn things watching Bravo?
7.) As such, the dandy favors a "preppie, dandy look," and is "a fan of the bow tie," and going "big, with as much personality as possible!" Later, when faced with a choice between striped or paisley pants to pair with her velvet tuxedo blazer: "Cesar is really trying to push me towards the stripes but if I don't get the paisley, I'm going to be upset." We liked the paisley better, too; and we wanna hang out with this woman! Meanwhile, the gay men are the polar opposite of any kind of dandy. One wants a kimono and one wants a Matrix-inspired tuxedo. Yuck.
6.) Okay, so the gay male couple was, uh, of size. Calvin, who refers to them as "so big," "plus-size" and "difficult-sized men," wonders: "Why did they pick fat people to be my models?" Meanwhile, Isaac Mizrahi loves the irony of "thin lesbians and bigger homosexuals."
5.) Speaking of bigger homosexuals, can we talk about Isaac's leather jacket? That thing would've been too small on a child.
4.) Jeffrey's a virgin. He's 26. He also wore a flowing, floor-length jersey caftan to the runway show and judging.
3.) Calvin is a monster—hilarious, but a monster. He won't put the Korean groom in blue because "the blue one could be a moo," and he won't put him in a traditional kimono "because it's a joke." But, once dressed he's relieved: "They're perfectly matched for each other, they look like two panda and they look fantastic!" This was right after he told them to "go to China" or "Koreatown" if they want kimonos.
2.) The grooms didn't find Calvin's behavior funny or charming. One—with a pretty dramatic head bob—"he has no taste and no class!" The other referred to Calvin as "this clown."
1.) Cindy, as she's getting the boot, bemoans her lack of experience with menswear. Iman replied: "Certainly you have designed clothes with sleeves before." Then things went from hilarious to weird—Iman and Cindy practically made out for many, many seconds, and before leaving, Cindy said, "you've always been so nice to me." What?