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Comic Bobby Slayton on His eBay Monster Toy Collection: "If I Were Fifteen, I'd Be the Coolest Kid on the Block."

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Comedy writer Bonnie Datt once bought a chainmail vest "for clubbing"—a purchase she later came to lament, once she realized that chainmail isn't particularly slimming. Inspired by this, she now spends her spare time asking famous people to dish about purchases which they initially loved—but ended up regretting, for Buyer's Remorse.

The "Pitbull of Comedy," Bobby Slayton, is one of our all time favorite stand-up comics. His scathingly hilarious insult comedy has earned him appearances on almost every television show featuring stand-up in the past thirty years, as well as acting roles in Mind of a Married Man, Dreamgirls and The Rat Pack. He's even had his own HBO comedy special. We've actually laughed until we've cried at many of Bobby's sold-out club appearances, so we knew we had to get him to give us a Buyer's Remorse story—and the tale of his travails with eBay collecting did not disappoint!

Racked: Bobby, tell us about something you were excited to buy, but wound up regretting.

Bobby Slayton: Probably too easy and obvious to say, my marriage license! G'Night Vegas! You been great!

Okay, my biggest regret buy was probably my collection of monster toys, which is technically more than one thing. When eBay first came out I had a rare Creature from the Black Lagoon life-size statue in my office. Once in awhile, friends would come over for dinner and give me little Creature toys to keep him company. When I told the story on radio once, someone called in and said, "Have you heard of eBay? You can find a ton of Creature toys on there." So for shits and giggles I bought a few more to fill up a shelf in my office, thinking there couldn't possibly any more Creature stuff out there.

Well, before you know it I have a coupla fucking cases of models,PEZ dispensers, masks—and a pinball machine! Jon Landis has a shot of the stuff on the Extras and Out-takes of the HBO Don Rickles documentary.

I'm sick of looking at it, but what a hassle to go back on eBay and get rid of it all! If I was still fifteen years old, I'd be the coolest kid on the block. Now I kinda feel like a comic book geek who lives in his parents' basement and pretends he's Darth Vader!

But the rest of my house is pretty grown up—except for the tiki bar and two giant gremlins my wife lets me keep by the fireplace!
· All Buyer's Remorse Posts [Racked]
· Bobby Slayton [Official Site]