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When Good Clothes Go Bad: How Not to be Fashion Roadkill

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Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to, where our staff is covering consumer culture for The Goods by Vox. You can also see what we’re up to by signing up here.

You know Frank—he's been writing about menswear, sales, television, new shops, the recession, Lisa Loeb, the Golden Girls and getting blasted for Racked for over a year. Well, we think it's time you got to know him and his quirky-irreverent views on life and fashion even better with his brand new column: Love, Frank. Taking the form of an open letter and always signed with love, Frank will rant about whatever style-related conundrum he encounters in a given week. So buckle your two-toned leather Moschino belts, folks, it's going to be ? Something.

Dear Stranger in Head-to-Toe Spring '11 Prada,

While we obviously applaud your efforts in dressing this past Fashion Week weekend—Prada's is a joyous, almost universally-lauded (if possibly-challenging to wear) collection. Especially when you procure it (no matter how, we're not asking or making assumptions (a little more on that later)) in all that green-on-green. We can't even consider those particular shades of jade and neon-spring as neutrals.

While we're on the green, we do have to wonder: Why the streaky, strange green hair? Maybe we'd let it slide if you were going with a straight-up '90s grunge look—but this is far from that. We also have to wonder—how does one get those particular shades of green? Manic Panic? A cocktail of varying Kool-Aids?

Furthermore, is it permanent? Or do you change it to orange or yellow or magenta to match other complete looks from the collection? We're truly flummoxed.

What we're saying is, we appreciate your sense of fashion adventurism; your fearlessness—but we will say this: Not even Madonna got away with a full runway look (Louis Vuitton, the Metropolitan Museum Costume Institute Gala, 2009—Google it). It's just, well, kind of a lot.

It's just, well, kind of Fashion Roadkill.

(This coming from a person who just wore an orange and purple tapestry-woven, Native American-inspired coat with an orange and purple cardigan, orange brogues and an orange-on-orange tote bag—it's a fine line.)

And, finally—just tell us if we're nitpicking here, seriously—if you're borrowing the clothes. Or, heaven forbid, returning the clothes, consider doing a better job of hiding the price tags.

For the love of Jeff.

· Love, Frank [RNA]