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Have You Ever Noticed How Weird Groupon Product Blurbs Are?

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Have you ever noticed how insane the daily deal descriptions are on Groupon? When we pointed this out, our friends claim that no one ever reads the blurbs anyway—that shoppers just see a photo, read the tag line and buy. Well, not us. We read.

Check out four of today's weirdest Groupon product write-ups:

Muscles are secret things that only occasionally emerge to save kittens from being crushed by motor vehicles: $20 for three classes at Pop Physique ($60 value) at Groupon (LA).

The most secretive body parts are muscles, which hide behind layers of skin and appear only occasionally to help lift cars off trapped kittens. Gently flex your biceps in the absence of a cat emergency with today's Groupon: for $20, you get three one-hour fitness classes (a $60 value) at Pop Physique, with locations in Silver Lake, Studio City, Mar Vista, and Seal Beach.

Flowers are like synchronized swimming and oven mitts: $20 for $40 at Privet Flowers at Groupon (NYC).

Flowers—like musical performances, synchronized swims, and frantically waving two on-fire oven mitts in the sky—express the emotions that words cannot. Express the inexpressible with today's Groupon: for $20, you get $40 worth of flowers at Privet Flowers in Flushing.
Isaac Newton needed Botox: $159 Botox Treatment at Aristocrat Plastic Surgery ($400 value) at Groupon (NYC).
Isaac Newton discovered gravity not when cranially assaulted by a falling apple but upon noticing his sagging jowls while examining the forehead bruise in the mirror. Help reverse the Newtonian burden with today's Groupon: for $159, you get Botox on up to two areas with a maximum of 20 units to use at Aristocrat Plastic Surgery, valid at the Upper East Side location (a $400 value). For desired results, one area typically requires 20 units of Botox.
Here is some irrelevant information about livestock and farm animals:$48 for $96 at The Lakes at El Segundo at Groupon LA.
Before golf was invented, grassy pastures were viewed as the exclusive territory of roaming sheep, herds of cattle, and overzealous Civil War re-enactors. Celebrate turf's competitive utility with today's Groupon: for $48, you get one nine-hole round of golf for two (a $30 value), two $20 range cards, two pull carts (a $6 value), and a $20 credit to the Fairway Café at The Lakes at El Segundo (a $96 total value).
· Groupon [Official Site]