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It's week three of Project Runway and what better way to follow last week's fabulously fun pet store challenge, than with one so awful, it makes the entire Los Angeles season seem like a good idea? The show starts out with the shadow of someone freakishly tall behind the screen. Oh wait, it's Heidi Klum in stilts. Great, because she doesn't normally look tall and skinny enough. Heidi informs the designers that this week they must create outfits for female stilt walkers. We think the goal is to make a look which is fashionably dramatic but not costumey, although that is never spelled out completely. We're also not quite sure what the point is of this challenge, since there is no place on earth where circus performers dress in couture—except maybe France.
Heidi pulls out her dreaded button bag of doom and uses it to randomly pair the designers in teams. Anya and Olivier are excited to work together. Becky and Kimberly, less so, and after Viktor learns he is to be paired with Bert and publicly announces, "My heart dropped," Bert's response is reminiscent of Europe's, after Archduke Franz Ferdinand was shot.
After the season's first trip to Mood Fabrics, where we finally catch a glimpse of the store's delightful puppy mascot, Swatch, the designers head back to Parsons. There they out-diva each other, complaining about who is being forced to work with the most difficult teammate. Most of designers' garment constructions initially go fairly smoothly, but then Bryce informs the rapidly disintegrating Fallene that she cut her corset against the grain. Bryce then unilaterally decides to trash it and make a tube top instead. Hey Bryce, when was the last time someone won Project Runway with a tube top? Oh right, never.
Eventually, the designers and their models head down to Battery Park for Project Runway's first public runway show ever. We know it's their first, because we are told this approximately 3,436 times. Heidi announces to the crowd how happy she is to, "Have all our fans see it." If this miniscule gathering represents all Project Runway's fans, they need to move to the Style Network.
Joining judges Michael Kors and Nina Garcia is guest judge Kim Kardashian. Andy Warhol once said that everyone would be famous for fifteen minutes. The Kardashian Klan owes us a lot of hours back—when will their long reign of terror end? Kim is described as a "fashion entrepreneur," which we guess translates to "Someone who rips off Botkier's designs for their handbag Kollection"
This week, the top three teams include Becky and Kimberly, who make an olive green pantsuit worthy of the Enterprise crew and Cecilia and Danielle, with an outfit which causes Michael to repeatedly gush about the difficulties of chiffon, after he finishes shrieking that their model's giant pumpkin hairdo "is crazy."
Our winner for the week, however, comes from the team of Anthony and Laura, who make a fabulous flowing red ensemble. Anthony graciously gives Laura credit for the win, possibly because of Nina's comment that for the second week in a row his work is too reminiscent of another designer's. Her critique might make more sense, if the editors hadn't completely left her accusation out of last week's episode. In fact, unless viewers read Nina's last blog, they have no idea that she had accused Anthony of ripping off Alexander McQueen. (We don't know if McQueen ever used birdseed, but we wouldn't be completely surprised if he had.). We're guessing that this week Nina thinks Anthony's and Laura's garment is a little too Gucci.
Our bottom three designers for the week include Bert and Viktor, who trip over themselves in their attempts to throw one another under the Project Runway bus; Josh and Julie, and their garishly bedazzled matador ensemble; and Bryce and Fallene, who screw up to such an extent, that it's a toss-up for which bottom dweller will be sent home first. Heidi ends up bidding Fallene "auf Wiedersehen," possibly as a response to her non-stop neurosis.
And now for this week's Top Ten Moments of Project Runway Greatness...
10. On the runway, Viktor initially insists he, "owns" his designs, but when asked if he should go home, yelps, "Oh no!" which makes him seem more like a renter.
9. Joshua M regrets Joshua C leaving, saying, "He had so much talent." Will someone explain to Joshua that "talent" doesn't mean "having the same name"?
8. Laura says she thinks, "It's a pretty exciting challenge for all the designers," as Fallene begins rigging up a noose.
7. Viktor starts to tells Bert, "You act like a small kid. You don't let me fini—" at which point Bert interrupts him.
6. After seeing Josh's and Julie's outfit, Michael Kors starts shrieking, "Olé! Olé! Olé!" We're guessing this is not his first bullfight.
5. Viktor tells his model that he wants to make a sexy queen Victoria ensemble for her. Bert points out that queen Victoria was in mourning for fifty years and spells her name with a C not a K.
4. "To be a part of the first public runway makes me completely speechless," says Joshua, exemplifying the fact that he is incapable of being completely speechless.
3. Viktor starts to say, "It will definitely be a challenge to work with that ugly—" and we expect the worst, but he thankfully finishes the sentence with, "fabric."
2. When discussing hers and Josh's design, Julie explains, "I came up with the concept," leading Heidi to ask, "And the concept was circus?"
1. Laura says, "Winning is awesome, but it's also wonderful winning with such a great partner, that was so gracious." No Laura. Don't you dare be nice and make us like you.
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