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The September Issue Breakdown: Height, Weight, Animal Cameos

Our methodology involved a trip to Whole Foods
Our methodology involved a trip to Whole Foods

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It's that time of the year again: The September issues (except Vogue, more on that later) have just hit newsstands. Because Racked is all servicey and stuff (we try), we hauled all the women's books we could lay our hands on—W, Elle, Instyle, Lucky, Glamour, Harper's Bazaar and Marie Claire—back to the office and performed a thorough analysis of all their vital stats. Like: How many animals appear in the September issue of Elle? Answer: a frickin arkload.

Methodology: So we wanted to tell you how much the gigantic September issues weighed, but we didn't have a scale in the office. And we wanted to tell you how thick they were, but we didn't have a measuring tape. So we saddled two of our favorite contributors, David Chen and Payton Wang, with the task of figuring things out. Here is what happened: they hauled all the mags down to our local Whole Foods and weighed the books on the fruit scale (that explains the photos), and we agreed to dispense with the metric (and English) system altogether, and, for the purposes of this post, the magazines were measured in gummy bears.

(Like our methodology? Is it any surprise we flunked out of pre-med?)

W MAGAZINE— 415 pages; 1 gummy bear tall; 3.5 lbs.

Other things that weigh 3.5 lbs: Nougat the Angora bunny

"Anyone who has struggled to dress originally without going too far knows that mastering the art of mixing is the ultimate fashion challenge" —Editor-in-Chief Stefano Tonchi

Cover Girl: Kristen Stewart

Her hair color: Black

What she's wearing: Max Mara

Photographer: Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott

Biggest integer on cover: 10

Ad pages: 272

Without ads, it would be: 144

Number of pages before actual content: 178

First ad inside: Louis Vuitton

Number of animals in issue: 19

ELLE— 556 pages; 1 gummy bear tall; 2.5 lbs.

Other thing that weighs 2.5 lbs: A standard lobster from the Annapolis Seafood Market.

"In terms of that word feminist, a radical proposal seems in order: It's time to stop fighting over it and retire it as the historical artifact it seems to have become?How about we call someone who's a believer in equal rights and respect for personal choice something like a?feminine-ista. Kinda like a fashionista!" —Editor-in-Chief Roberta Meyers

Cover Girl: Gwyneth Paltrow

Her hair color: Blonde

What she's wearing: Burberry and Julien Macdonald

Photographer: Carter Smith

Biggest integer on cover: 556

Ad pages: 344

Without ads, it would be: 212

Number of pages before actual content: 57

First ad inside: Lancome

Number of animals in issue: 60

MARIE CLAIRE— 324 pages; 1/2 gummy bear tall; 1.5 pounds

Other thing that weighs 1.5 lbs: A dozen glazed Krispy Kreme donuts

"Shortly after arriving at the studio, I thought I was hallucinating—Christian Siriano’s fabulous pink skirt appeared to be moving slowly across the floor on its own. Turns out, it was SJP’s twins, giggling and hiding beneath it." —Editor-in-Chief Joanna Coles

Cover Girl: Sarah Jessica Parker

Her hair color: Blonde

What she’s wearing: Bottega Veneta

Photographer: Tesh

Biggest integer on cover: 250

Ad pages: 168 pages

Without ads, it would be: 156 pages

Number of pages before actual content: 34 pages

First ad inside: Estée Lauder

Number of animals in issue: 35

HARPER'S BAZAAR— 512 pages; 3/4 gummy bear tall; 2 lbs.

Other thing that weighs 2 lbs.: A Malayan flying fox.

"We have spent the last 10 years celebrating the fun in fashion, and we love that designers are always in on the joke." —Editor-in-Chief Glenda Bailey

Cover Girl: Lea Michele

Her hair color: Brunette

What she's wearing: Yves Saint Laurent

Photographer: Mark Seliger

Biggest integer on cover: 973

Ad pages: 326 pages

Without ads, it would be: 186 pages

Number of pages before actual content: 78 pages

First ad inside: Estée Lauder

Number of animals in issue: 73

LUCKY— 274 pages; 1/3 gummy bear tall; 1 lb.

Other thing that weighs 1 lb.: A block of butter

"When we were planning this issue, I looked around the conference table at the sea of crisp white button-downs and shrunken black jackets and realized: I am not alone." —Editor-in-Chief Brandon Holley

Cover Girl: Jessica Alba

Her hair color: Brunette

What she's wearing: Marc Jacobs

Photographer: Thomas Schenk

Biggest integer on cover: $600,000

Ad pages: 171 pages

Without ads, it would be: 103 pages

Number of pages before actual content: 33 pages

First ad inside: Lancôme

Number of animals in issue: 25

LUCKY KIDS SUPPLEMENT— 28 pages

”Our vow: We will never expect you to make ridiculous lunches for your kids. Instead, we’ll help you make simple, stylish choices for you and your kin that will save you time and make it all fun.” —Brandon Holley

Cover Girl: Anthony and Bailey

Her hair color: Brunette

What she’s wearing: Bonpoint, Nautica, Spirithood, Little Paul & Joe

Photographer: Anna Palma

Biggest number on cover: 2011

Ad pages: 13 pages

Without ads, it would be: 15 pages

Number of pages before actual content: 8 pages

First ad inside: Baby Gap

Number of animals in issue: 57

GLAMOUR— 404 pages; 1/2 gummy bear tall; 2 lbs.

Other thing that weighs 2 lbs.: Four Barbie dolls

"Ever shop the bargain rack and come home with what looks like, excuse me, cheap crappola?" —Editor-in-Chief Cindi Leive

Cover Girl: Rihanna

Her hair color: Red

What she’s wearing: Dolce & Gabbana

Photographer: Ellen Von Unwerth

Biggest integer on cover: 500

Ad pages: 222 pages

Without ads, it would be: 182 pages

Number of pages before actual content: 33 pages

First ad inside: Target

Number of animals in issue: 26

INSTYLE— 639 pages; 1 gummy bear tall; weight unknown

"Whew! Nothing feels quite as luxurious as abundance" —Editor-in-Chief Ariel Foxman

Cover Girl: Beyonce

Her hair color: Blonde

What she’s wearing:Dolce & Gabbana

Photographer: Michelangelo Di Battista

Biggest integer on cover: 638

Ad pages: 374 pages

Without ads, it would be: 265 pages

Number of pages before actual content: 74 pages

First ad inside: Chanel

Number of animals in issue: 17

Vogue— 758 pages

Cover Girl: Kate Moss

Her hair color: Blonde

What she’s wearing: John Galliano

Photographer: Mario Testino

Biggest number on cover: 758

Note* Unfortunately, we did not get ahold of the september issue of Vogue since it won't arrive on newsstands nationwide August 23rd.

· W Magazine [Official Site]
· Elle [Official Site]
· InStyle [Official Site]
· Glamour [Official Site]
· Bazaar [Official Site]
· Marie Claire [Official Site]
· All Old Media coverage [Racked]