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La Isla Missoni: The Brand's Post-Target Collection is... Something

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You know Frank—he's been writing about menswear, sales, television, new shops, the recession, Lisa Loeb, the Golden Girls and getting blasted for Racked for almost two years. Well, we think it's time you got to know him and his quirky-irreverent views on life and fashion even better with his column: Love, Frank. Taking the form of an open letter and always signed with love, Frank will rant about whatever style-related conundrum he encounters in a given week. So buckle your two-toned leather Moschino belts, folks, it's going to be ? Something.

Dear Missoni,

This is our second letter to you in under a year, so first and foremost, sincerest apologies for being so utterly annoying.

In that other note we detailed the litany of Missoni collaborations that were about to be unleashed: Fancy water, strollers for rich people's nannies, Converse sneakers, and—of course—the grand daddy of collabs, pure collaboration gold, Missoni for Target.

That Target stuff we were pondering just happened and people scooped it up in record time. A pop-up that was supposed to stretch for days closed in one; store displays on the coasts and definitely not on the coasts sat barren; the American public crashed Target's website for goodness sake.

Even the $600 patio set sold out.

Your name, your brand, is at the tip of the universe's tongue. The world waits with baited breath for your next move—and we’re not just talking about the fashion industry and the style set. You’re in the mainstream, now—and style-minded consumers of the mass market (aka Target shoppers) want to know what’s next. It could be make or break.

It happened this past weekend in Milan—your women's ready-to-wear show. And, well, if nothing else the collection—30-odd images—gave us more laughs than the series premieres of 2 Broke Girls and the New Girl combined (the former is fine but it's on CBS so we'll obviously never see it again; the latter is disgusting).

The collection is tasseled and ruffled and biased and layered and bloomered and beaded and bowed and acid-colored. The main shades: Ultra-wearable colors like sunshine and whore blue (the blue version of slut red). There are zebra prints and embroidered leaves and acid-spangled splotches—the only motifs on earth that can force the classic, color-on-color Missoni chevron weaves and knits to recede into the background.

Oh, and it's all accessorized with bow-bedazzled flip flops and fringy chokers and a series of catseye spectacles so outlandishly nerd-twee we can only imagine them as a punchline prop on the aforementioned New Girl.

So who's this stuff for? We imagine you're as stumped as we were. But, relax, we have a few ideas:

1.) If anyone ever covers Madonna's La Isla Bonita, the costuming for the video is in the bag. That said, we're thinking less Feist-Adele-Florence Welch and more Spice Girls reunion or, like, some made for Disney tween girl group.

2.) If Abba ever reunites for a tour the girls and back-up dances can put on this stuff for their Fernando/Chiquitita medley.

3.) My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, enough said.

4.) Drag queens (and clowns)—especially those of Latino or Mediterranean descent—would rock this stuff (while performing La Isla Bonita or Fernando). Just size it long and you're go.

5.) Banana importers are constantly updating or creating new mascots.

6.) Eveningwear for bullfighters—but Moschino probably already has that market covered.

And, yeah, that's probably it. Best of luck!

· Love, Frank [Racked]