Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for The Goods by Vox. You can also see what we’re up to by signing up here.
It's Week Three of Project Runway All Stars, and host Angela Lindvall, better known in our house as "Faux Heidi," kicks things off by announcing that the designers must each create, "A flamboyant red carpet cocktail dress for one of the most famous fashionistas in the world." Wow. Will it be Kate Middleton? Daphne Guinness? Madonna? No—think bigger. And pinker. It's Miss Piggy!
The designers are ecstatic when they learn who their client is. We're happy too, because we think that for once, they'll be designing for the body of a real woman—well, a body more like a real woman's than the models whom they usually dress. Alas, this is not the case. The All Stars are told to create the garments for their usual models, and then the winning dress will be remade in the proper size for Miss Piggy to wear while promoting the new Muppet movie. Unfortunately, there is a big problem with this. When this episode was initially filmed, it was to be broadcast in tandem with the opening of The Muppets. Unfortunately, the All Stars season was delayed, so the film's opening came and went, and we never saw Miss Piggy in her gown. But, for the sake of this episode, we will suspend disbelief on this topic—and, of course, one other...
All the designers are extremely focused in the workroom, and take the task of designing for such a famous diva very seriously. A fight even develops over items from the Neiman Marcus accessory wall—that never used to happen with Bluefly. Meanwhile, Mondo worries that he picked too heavy a fabric, Anthony tries to keep his design ladylike, and Michael focuses on creating a garment which is red-carpet worthy. Gordana, in all sincerity, says that she wants to make a dress that the star will be comfortable in, but mentor Joanna Coles advises, "I don't think comfort—when you're dressing a mega celebrity like Miss Piggy—should really matter."
We're told that Isaac Mizraahi won't be judging this week because he has other commitments. We're wondering if it has anything to do with Miss Piggy being traif. In his absence, Georgina is joined by Miss Piggy and a second guest judge, Eric Daman, the costume designer/stylist for Gossip Girl and Sex and the City (the latter under Patricia Field, although her credit is not mentioned). Eric cops an attitude with Miss Piggy, repeatedly accusing her of being self conscious about her ears. The legend insists she has no insecurities, but we're skeptical. What Hollywood starlet doesn't have body image issues?
Our top three designers this week are Kenley, with a pink and white giraffe print dress, matched with an enormous poofy hat; Rami, who designs a pink, orange and white polka dotted dress—which we love; and Michael with a dark brocade evening ensemble. Our winner for the week is Michael. We thought for sure it would be Rami, but perhaps Miss Piggy's tastes have gotten more sophisticated since she was a Muppet Show ingenue.
Our bottom three designers for the week are Austin, with a pink and gray dress with giant hula hoop-catching bows on the side; Mila, who designs a black Sixties Goth-Mod dress, which is not Miss Piggy's style; and Gordana, who creates a flouncy nightgown-like dress in a dismal shade of pink. Faux Heidi bids farewell to Gordana, which doesn't come as much of a surprise, since this is the first episode where the producers have bothered to give her any real screen time.
And now, for the Top Ten Moments of Project Runway All Stars Greatness...
10. Mila decides to create "a Sixties Mod thing" especially for Miss Piggy. This differs dramatically from her usual design aesthetic of creating—Sixties Mod things.
9. Faux Heidi shares, "It's been said on Project Runway, 'One day you're in and the next you're out'—and that's never been more true than on All Stars." Having watched all three All Stars episodes, we can confidently say that it's true to exactly the same degree as on Project Runway.
8. Michael shows further confusion about his sexuality by asking a pig for a date.
7. Mila says, "Let me tell you, sleeves are not easy." That didn't stop Anya last season.
6. Despite being a Muppet, Miss Piggy conveys significantly more expression on her face than Faux Heidi.
5. About Miss Piggy, Kenley says, "She reminds me of myself!" A bossy diva? We were thinking the same thing!
4. Mondo says that he wanted to bring Miss Piggy something from her childhood, so for his outfit he, "Went back to the Sixties." Actually, Miss Piggy was born in the Seventies—never tell a client she's older than she is.
3. When Kara and Kenley offer each other helpful advice, Mila snarks,"I think that Kara and Kenley are becoming quite codependent." We suspect Mila is becoming quite jealous.
2. Faux Heidi says that since Miss Piggy is premiering a huge film, Gordana's simple dress, "May be a little understated or sophisticated." Since the editors let that through, just imagine how bad the rest of her flubs were.
1. Miss Piggy says, "I don't normally wear leather."
· All Project Runway Posts [Racked]
· Miss Piggy To Guest Judge On Project Runway Tonight [Racked]
The Best and Worst of · Project Runway Allstars: An Album [Racked/Facebook]