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LOLs via Getty
Looks like Macy's has tapped Lourdes Ciccone Leon—either Madonna's spawn or "Lola" to the lay person—not just as the face of their MaterialGirl collection, but also the voice. And, oh, what a decision that was.
We'll get to that in a minute, but first, Lola is part of a massive overhaul of the Macy's brand, according to WWD, which reported that the department store is going after the under 22 set "aggressively" with huge expansions of younger lines in an initiative called "Millennial." Molly Langenstein, group merchandise manager for Millennials said it best, and kind of abrasively: "We're serious about this and we're aggressively going after this consumer. This is not a test."
So what steps are included in the campaign to seek-and-destroy the credit cards of America's youth? One of them is handing over the Material Girl blog to Lola herself. Here are the top six quotes from today's post:
1. "Actually this summer I was SURPRISINGLY productive. So, I thought I would tell you all about the joys of folding underwear."
She proceeds to tell us nothing about folding underwear.
2. "As you probably know this woman I like to call my mother went on tour for her MDNA album. As a summer job I decided to work in the wardrobe department. All of my friends were getting summer jobs and I wanted one too."
Excellent reason to work. Excellent.
3. "Besides being able to travel the world and visiting all these amazing countries (my favorites were Amsterdam, Copenhagen and Turkey)..."
Well, Turkey is a country.
4. "Besides summer coming and leaving faster than you can say ohmygoditsaflyingpigwithgreenfeetandnobutthole, the school year has officially started for those you who are still students."
5. "When I get ready for school in the moring [sic] I move at a slothlike pace and music gets me slightly more motivated. Here are a few fave songs that I would recommend: [...] Fiona Apple; Criminal [...]"
Noted: Our teenage selves might have something in common with today's superstar teenagers.
6. "Hope all of you guys had and are having a great start to your school year always remember to choose hugs not drugs because THAT'S always been MY moto."
We believe you, but where can we buy this hugs-not-drugs moto?