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You know Frank—he's been writing about menswear, sales, television, new shops, the recession, Lisa Loeb, the Golden Girls and getting blasted for Racked for over two years. Well, we think it's time you got to know him and his quirky-irreverent views on life and fashion even better with his column: Love, Frank. Taking the form of an open letter and always signed with love, Frank will rant about whatever style-related conundrum he encounters in a given week. So buckle your two-toned leather Moschino belts, folks, it's going to be ? Something.
Dear TV Fans and the Chronically Bored,
It's October—theoretically, the thick of a brand new TV season. The time and the place for the best and the brightest and the newest.
But, am I wrong in admiting that sampling all those newbies is exhausting and often an exercise in futility. More often then not, none of it is very good. Time wasted. And when a show has a bit of a glimmer; when you dive in; when you become fully invested—it gets cancelled. Even more time wasted.
What's especially troubling, at least right now, is a dearth of our most-loved, most stylish programming: Mad Men, Girls and Downton Abbey are on hiatus. There are no more new episodes of Absolutely Fabulous in the pipeline. The Rachel Zoe Project may or may not be getting another season; and while Brad Goreski was featured prominently in those Madonna-soundtracked, Olympic-themed Bravo programming teasers, there's been no official second season announcement for It's a Brad, Brad World. The mess that is Fashion Star is returning—but we don't know when. So: What to watch?
Well, speaking of Bravo: Two fashion-adjacent series aired finales last night. The first being the Real Housewives of New York, which, this go around, replaced half the cast with newbies. A downtown princess author who totally never works out, an occasionally unbalanced amputee who looks great in salmon, and a hook-nosed bat whose affectations aim for Lil' Kim but usually land at Kim Fields (Heather, who helms a shapewear line called Yummie Tummie and says "holler!" all the time). The old gals—Ramona, Luann and Sonja—are as disturbingly crazy as ever. And they're all always wearing one-shouldered satin dresses. Solace: There are at least two reunion episodes forthcoming, and the Beverly Hills and Miami Housewives might be worth a trial run. The teasers for Miami look especially insane.
The other show that closed up shop last night, Gallery Girls, was kind of an art world version of Real Housewives featuring younger, equally privileged woman who make up for being a little less crazy than Ramona by being utterly, bleakly, hideously shallow and empty. Like Girls and 2 Broke Girls before it—Gallery Girls is mining Williamsburg for a snatch of the whole hipster thing everyone everywhere currently loves to hate. The show certainly has its moments of semi-canned drama and unintentional hilarity; I do enjoy it. Yet, at 10:21pm every Monday—it feels like it should be long over. It starts at 10pm.
Anyway, the Brooklyn girls run a shop selling hip, artisinal nothings and underground artwork without a business plan and/or throw themselves art parties. The Manhattan girls taunt the Brooklyn girls for living in the ghetto (they don't), having lipstick on their teeth (they always, always do), and lacking charm, grace or manners (no-one on the show has these things). Meanwhile, the city girls are just not cool enough for the Brooklyn crew. It's a train wreck. Watch it on On Demand and pray they renew it for a second season. Do it for me.
And coming soon to Bravo: LOLwork. In case you needed a glimpse behind the scenes of ICanHasCheezburger.com.
Meanwhile, over at Lifetime, there's the surprisingly on point tenth season of Project Runway—it's about two-thirds of the way through now and features one of the most droll, unlikeable contestants in recent memory: Ven. Ven is 28 and looks 45. Ven is overweight yet takes no issue with taunting plus-sized women. And Ven designs the same, ugly, rosette-themed dress every damn week. Yes, the set is drawing to a close—but, not to worry, a brand new season of Project Runway All Stars will fill that void later this month.
In the meantime, there's Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition featuring the larger than life star-slash-monster Abby Lee Miller of Dance Moms fame. Now, chances are this will be utterly unwatchable. But think of the great animated GIFs that are about to be unleashed! Something to keep us going until the November 25th premier of Liz & Dick—that Lindsay Lohan trainwreck about Elizabeth Taylor. Judging from the already-released stills, this could become Mommie Dearest-legendary. Plan your viewing parties now.
Back at the networks, there's your usual blend of new and returning whatever. Nothing really looks that great, does it? NBC is clearly winding down their hilarious if never-was comedy block. People continue to be entranced by The Big Bang Theory. Crime shows, doctors, blah blah blah. I did catch the New Normal, however—Tuesdays on NBC. And, yes, it's Modern Family with a little less heart featuring the mom from Arrested Development, the child from Little Miss Sunshine, and whatsherface from Real Housewives. It oozes Ryan Murphy. I didn't want to like it. But, it had me at Barneys; and maybe Marc Jacobs baby onesies really do run small.
Otherwise: MTV's House of Style is back, with vintage tidbits online and new content airing on TV and on your computer. And, if all else fails, Golden Girls is always on, and the TV Guide channel occasionally runs Ugly Betty.
I'm not ashamed to admit knowing that.