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If You Haven't Been Streaming It Incessantly, Here's What You Need to Know Before Sunday's Mad Men Season Premiere

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All photos via <a href="http://www.amctv.com/shows/mad-men">AMC</a>
All photos via AMC

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We're sure you already know this, but Mad Men returns to AMC on Sunday. The Season 5 premier begins at 9pm EST sharp, but let's face it: It's been a while since Season 4 was on the air. That being said, perhaps you've forgotten what Don Draper's current marital status is. Or if Betty is still being a bitch. Or if Joan is still wearing that pencil necklace and if everyone else is still wearing the most ridiculous pajamas. Since we've been looping it on Netflix 24/7 in anticipation, allow us catch you up on what's happening at Sterling Cooper Draper Price.

Let's start with the trifecta of women Don juggled last season, which would be Betty, Faye, and Megan. Don decides to finally lay down the law with Betty and tells her to get out of the house he still owns, to which she's less than thrilled. She's still riled up about something four episodes later, and smacks Sally when she comes home with a newly chopped hairdo. This, of course, happened while Don was out with Bethany at Benihana, which looked like it was probably a fun restaurant in the '60s and not dreadful like it is today. In episode 8, Betty bumps into Don while he's with Bethany (not at Benihana, but at a different restaurant), and she gets pissed, tanked, and then Henry gets pissed at her for getting tanked.

They have to then deal with each other in episode 9, after Sally hops on a commuter train to take a joyride to the city. Mad as she may be, Betty lies for Don when the government agents come by the house to do a background check. In another child-related freak-out incident, Betty fires Carla, which means that Don has to take the kids with him to Disney, sans a nanny. How's he going to find the time to attend those meetings? To snatch the panties off those women? One of the last scene's of the season is Betty and Don, alone in their now-vacant kitchen. Betty totally planned this—but it backfires.


FORESHADOWING

But before we get to that—the total headtrip of an ending to Season 4 that blew everybody's minds (and broke women's hearts everywhere)—let's talk about Faye: A consumer-research company's focus-group headshrinker, who lands a gig at SCDP. She falls flat with Don after daring to ask him about his father, and also when she suggests the next Pond's campaign should revolve around marriage, based off her findings from very emotional secretaries. She and Don end up on a date, where she tells him an Aesop's Fable. He is momentarily impressed, but viewers know that this won't last longer than, oh, five minutes. She fails the kiddie test when Sally comes into the office, learns that Don is really Dick, and ends up leaving SCDP once Lucky Strike splits. Faye thinks that now she and Don can date openly, but what's really happening is he's switching over to Megan.


When hell froze over

Right before Lucky Strike quit, Megan helps Don work late, which inevitably turns into them having sex in his office. She ends up going with Don to Florida after Carla gets canned, where the two have some private hotel sexy time, as well as an intimate moment on the balcony where she talks about her teeth, and a moment in a restaurant where she doesn't go all apeshit when Sally spills a milkshake. (Like Betty would have.) Next thing you know, Don proposes, Megan calls her mom and talks to her in French, come on, and the two announce their engagement at the season's end.

What's Peggy been up to? She begins the season with a giant Sugarberry Ham publicity stunt, which pisses Don off, particularly when Peggy needs bail money for the two actresses involved. She refers to the guy she's with as her fiance, which is bull, because Peggy makes it pretty clear this season she's not trying to get tied down. Peggy and Freddy—who is sober and no longer peeing his pants—get into it about the Pond's campaign. She calls Freddy "old-fashioned," which comes out kind of mean because it's true, and maybe Peggy could take it a little easy on him, since he did pee his pants. Peggy's fake fiance later tries to have sex with her, but she doesn't because she's also pretending to be a virgin. They eventually do it, and she keeps the whole charade going. A few episodes later, in what was kind of a jerk move, she dumps him on her birthday, while he waits for her at a restaurant with her family.

But before that happens, Peggy meets Joyce, who works at Life magazine in the photo department and goes to a stereotypical 1960s party with her. She smokes a joint, and explains how her boyfriend is currently "renting her vagina" after Joyce nibbles on her ear. Perhaps her boyfriend's vagina rent is late, because she doesn't hesitate to kiss Joyce's friend Abe in a closet while they're hiding from the cops. In episode 6, Peggy is mad about not being invited to the Clios (Joan is going but purely just to flirt with clients), and she also butts heads with the douche-y new art director, Stan. One of her combatitive techniques against Stan involves taking off her clothes in front of him at a hotel room.

Skip to episode 7—the one where she dumps Mark: Peggy gets stuck with Don at the office working all night on Samsonite copy. Don ends up taking Peggy to dinner, and Don gets wasted and Peggy takes care of him. Matthew Weiner has an opportunity here to get them to sleep together, but he doesn't take it, meaning Peggy and Don will continue to talk in Season 5. They do fall asleep together, but not like that. In episode 8, Peggy fires Joey for drawing a picture of Joan bent over Lane's desk. For what it's worth, he really has a knack for foreshortening. Still on a bit of a high horse, she gets into an argument with Abe, though all is reconciled after a trip to the beach.

For Joan, Season 4 was one hell of a season. She wears a red dress with a bow on the back of it to the Christmas party because Roger likes when she looks like a "present." Back at home, Joan argues with her doctor-army husband Greg about his deployment to Vietnam and her taking some vacation time. She cuts her hand and he stitches it up. A few episodes later, Roger greases some wheels when he sends a manicurist and a masseuse to Joan's apartment, knowing full well that Greg is in Vietnam. Joan and Roger go out to dinner, they get robbed, Roger hands over everything that he has almost embarrassingly quick, and then the two have sex in an alleyway. You know, how normal people would react to just getting robbed at gunpoint. And then guess what happens? She's pregnant.

She goes to get an abortion, but while in the waiting room she ends up talking to a mother of a fifteen-year-old girl who is also there for an abortion. Joan ends up not going through with it, and tells Greg that the baby is his. Though if Greg was half a good a mathematician as he is a sexy doctor, he would know that something's a little off about her due date. We're guessing he wises up in Season 5.

As for the rest of them? Pete is still Pete, and Trudy is stil irritatingly chipper. Trudy gets pregnant, and by the season's end they have their baby. Ryan Gosling isn't on Mad Men, but Ken Cosgrove is, and he comes back in Season 4. Lane is dating a Playboy bunny waitress while his family is back in London. His father whips his face with a cane because she's African American. When Roger isn't busy throwing innuendos at Joan, he's recording his memoir. Oh, and we forgot to mention that Don takes up swimming, so the shirtless-ness increases twofold. Check back in with us on Monday, for a full episode recap of the first episode of Season 5.

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