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This December, Sears attempted to turn the fact that its empty parking lots are giant flashing arrows saying, "nobody physically shops here anymore" into something positive (hat tip, The Consumerist). Accidentally walk into a Sears, the commercial says, and you might accidentally buy something, too.
Here's a dramatic recreation of the already dramatized events:
Actress 1 (Stacy): Look at all this empty space. It's perfect for housing my vehicle while we don't shop at Sears.
Actress 2 (Kendra): Stacy, you're so smart. [Steps over a tumbleweed]
Stacy: Holy heck, Kendra. There are things we can buy here. Like Kardashian things.
Kendra: Stacy, stop blowing my mind. It hurts.
Stacy: Ha ha ha. Let's be members here because of the double points and Gmail has that Promos tab.
Kendra: I'm so glad you're my friend.
It's one part sad, but two parts genius? See it for yourself below.
· Sears Admits: People Only Come To Our Stores To Park [The Consumerist]
· Store Holiday Emails Going Unopened Thanks to Gmail Change [Racked]