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Ryan Lochte's Shoe Closet and Other Gems From His Reality Show

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Last night marked the premier of one of the most important television shows of our time: E!'s What Would Ryan Lochte Do? The series follows many-medalled Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte as tackles life's many challenges and mysteries—such as what a wonton actually consists of, or the significance of his signature wink. Happily, in what can only be described as a Shoe Week miracle, the show's premier prominently featured RL's custom designed sneakers and his famously massive, 150-pair shoe closet. If you missed it, not to worry: We're here to share what we learned from Ryan Lochte—sage, swimmer, connoisseur.

· On designing a pair of custom sneakers: "These are my shoes that I designed from top to sole! From top to, um, shoelace." They're yellow and green; the sole of one says 'Ryan;" the sole of the other says 'Lochte.' It's like "Ryan Lochte just walking along."

· On his aesthetic, his style, what his line represents: "That Lochte Edge." When asked what exactly "that Lochte Edge" is he stares. "No one's ever asked that before."

· Things that the Lochte family does: Lochte Flag Football; Lochte Family Bowling; Lochte Movie Night.

· And, one of Ryan's favorite movies for Lochte Movie Night: What Women Want. "If I could read women's minds I would rule the world."

· He's not sure what a "douchebag" is—his pondering the term is spliced with images of his cars and a $200,000 watch.

· He doesn't actually know what "jeah" means.

· He doesn't always remember exactly how many medals he's won.

· He cries for the first time on camera: "This is like the first time I ever cried on camera."

· On the way he treats women; the way he parties: "I'm an angel."

· He pronounces 'especially' like there's an X in it.

· On what a girl looked like: "I remember what Megan looked like ? Blonde hair ? Great [gratuitous cleavage shot] ? Upper body."

· What are wontons? "Something crisp" with, like, "flakes."

· Does he have a favored eye for winking? Yes: "Whichever side the hot girl is on."

What we still didn't learn: A damn thing about the rumored Lochte apparel line. Maybe they're saving those nuggets for a future episode.