Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for The Goods by Vox. You can also see what we’re up to by signing up here.
Our sister site Racked Chicago scored an interview with the mascot of 2008's favorite lifestyle coupon site known for really, really ridiculous product blurbs, Groupon. According to RC, internet lore would have it that, "a master of information and wordsmithing, world traveler, and supreme cataloger of all human knowledge was hatched in River North [Chicago] as the figurehead of reason. In 2009, this enigma found employment at Groupon and solace in a spaceship." He is a cat, and his name is Mister Groupon Cat. Below find five of the most enlightening quotes from the interview.
5. On middle names: "Like all animals, or inanimate objects, my middle initial is 'The,' i.e. Groupon T. Cat."
4. On typical days: "I wake up early, around 11am and usually fall asleep again minutes later after accidentally wandering into a sunbeam. On weekends I like to take the spaceship out and buzz around town freaking out birds."
3. On outrageous things that happen in the Groupon office: "Once I ate a quarter!"
2. On how to start conversations: "Most people are too busy having fun in their city using Groupons to ever stay at home and watch TV, so I would avoid the topic of so-called 'popular' TV-shows altogether. Also, bring out the baby pictures! People love trading and collecting each other's baby pictures."
1. On staying fit: "Usually, I just search Groupon for 'Food' every morning and buy the first three. Sometimes it's prix fixe French cuisine for two, sometimes it's a bacon of the month club. As for working out, I find napping is the best exercise."
· Mister Groupon the Cat, the Voice of Groupon, Speaks Out [Racked Chicago]
· Have You Ever Noticed How Weird Groupon Product Blurbs Are? [Racked]