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You guys! YOU GUYS. NBC is planning a half-hour television adaption of the 1994 ode-to-twentysomething-malaise-in-the-'90s Reality Bites. According to Variety, its premise is closely aligned with the original script, considering it will follow "recent college grad Lelaina Pierce as she struggles to make her way romantically and professionally in the recession-plagued, pre-Internet early 1990s in Houston, where she shares an apartment with slacker friends." Not too different at all. Also, Ben Stiller will executive produce, and Helen Childress, the screenwriter of the film, is on board to write the pilot script.
While it will certainly please the internet's '90s mutual appreciation society, we can't help but wonder at how twentysomething-hood has changed since Lelaina graduated. Can you imagine basing a film on a college valedictorian dreaming of making a documentary for MTV? Related question: Anyone see the MTV Video Music Awards last night? Anyone? Below, we list nine key points that would have to change if the Reality Bites television show was current-day instead of throwback. Please feel free to add your own updates in comments. We realize this movie is sacred; opinions are welcome.
1. "Reality Bites" would be retitled "Reality Blows."
2. Lisa Loebe's "Stay" would be replaced with Rihanna's "Stay."
3. Instead of being fired for stealing a Mars Bar, Troy would have been fired for stealing an e-cigarette.
4. Instead of a documentary about shiftless youth with no role-models for MTV, Lelaina would be writing and directing a comedy webseries attempts to figure out what kids who don't live in Brooklyn even do these days. "Funny or Die" would pick it up and ruin it with beer jokes.
5. Vickie would work at J.Crew instead of the Gap.
6. Instead of the nicotine addiction, the gang wouldn't/couldn't stop Instagramming.
7. They would absolutely dance to My Sharona in a gas station because it was done in the '90s and that's meta nostalgia.
8. Sammy would be trans, not gay, and he'd be afraid of coming out online, where the bullies live, rather than to his parents.
9. The fashion would be entirely the same. Behold:All images via IMDB