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Madonna still has the sass. Or at least that's how she comes across when she's dictating to her housekeeper who's answering the sometimes enlightened, mostly inane, and always entertaining questions from Redditors. It was an AMA (Ask Me Anything) and it was glorious.
Below, she bluntly answers inquiries on her music, her antics, her mistakes, her likes, her dislikes, etc. Also of note: Every time someone tries to get weird with her, she just writes "send photo."
Q: If you were a gay man, would you be a top or bottom?
A: I am a gay man.
Q: What is the best present you got for Your B-day?
A: I got a bong in the shape of a penis.
Q: If you could talk to your 20-year-old self, what would you say?
A: Don't take any of this personally.
Q: Have you tried making out with the grills on?
A: Yup it works.
Q: Can you name one gay guy you wish you could turn straight?
A: Frank Ocean.
Then Snoop Lion chimed in:
Q: When r we going on a canoe ride??
A: When you send me a canoe
He then faded into the recesses of the internet whence he came.
Q: What is the last dream you remember that you're willing to share?
A: Brad Pitt and I were living together and there was a small blonde child in the bed. Sorry Angelina, it was only a dream.
Q: Listen, I go through a rough breakup after a 3 year relationship with my bf...what should I do to ease the pain?? Which of your songs should I play repeatedly???
A: Gang bang.
A [Clarified]: The song gang bang from my last record.
Q: If you would have a tattoo what would it be?
A: If I knew what I wanted to have as a tattoo, I would have one.
Q: What's your favourite method of procrastination?
A: Plucking my eyebrows.
Q: Would you ever wear a disguise and go to Walmart or some place ordinary people go?
A: I'd just go to Walmart and not wear a disguise.
Q: Where should I put these hydrangeas?
A: Up your ass.
And finally (for us, at least. The AMA goes on for a million more years):
Q: No questions. Just saying thanks for being so fucking badass.
A: Thanks for noticing.