Allow Benedict Cumberbatch to Narrate an Explicit, Erotic Sherlock Sex Scene

Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for The Goods by Vox. You can also see what we’re up to by signing up here.

For its December issue, Elle UK steps into Benedict Cumberbatch's "world of delicious contradiction." Delicious, it is. Cumberbatch uses rich, excessively descriptive language to pinpoint what the seemingly asexual Sherlock would be like in bed. Here are some of the sauciest quotes:

"Oooh… You know I'd get the, I'd probably test the latex, if it involved prophylactics, beforehand."

"I would probably take a lot of vitamin supplements to make sure that I could perform, and had had my sleep, and probably not had many cigarettes. Or drink, for that matter. Not that he does drink."

"I would probably watch a lot of porn..."

"I'd know exactly how to please a woman, I'd know exactly where to put my fingers, where to put my tongue, where to put my – his I should say – his fingers, his tongue. Think about violinists, think about what they can do with their fingers."

"And I'd know exactly how to get that person into it, and get pleasure out of making that person feel pleasure to the point that I probably wouldn't even have to enter…But when I did it would be explosive."

So how does Benedict Cumberbatch's erotic Sherlock fiction hold up to your personal erotic Sherlock fiction?