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Crucial Update

Women Without Pants in Giant Sweaters

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Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to, where our staff is covering consumer culture for The Goods by Vox. You can also see what we’re up to by signing up here.

What's the best way to stay warm when most of the northern hemisphere is stupid cold? One cozy sweater, a cup of something hot, and nothing else. We mean it. Don't put on pants. Do. Not. Ever. Put. On. Pants. Do not wear pants outside. Do not wear pants by the fire. Do not wear pants on a bench. Do not wear pants on a fence. Do not ever wear pants. Here's visual affirmation of a pantless lifestyle, from fashion spreads, retail lookbooks, and Pinterest — now set to rhyme!

I won't pants by the window.

I won't pants near open flame.

I won't pants while I journal.

I won't pants when the colors are the same.

I won't pants on a sugar high.

I won't pants by this sad piano.

I won't pants when "me time" is nigh.

I won't pants 'cause I just wanna burrow.

I won't pants in a field of wheat.

I won't pants like Joan Smalls.

I won't pants again... in a field of wheat...

I won't pants against any walls.

I won't pants in a bed.

I won't pants in the light.

I won't pants when the coffee's hot.

I won't pants in black or white.

I won't pants in the morning.

I won't pants on a fence.

I won't pants when it might be pouring.

I won't pants even when it'd make a lot of sense.

I won't pants on a bench.

I won't pants in recline.

I won't pants when the light's intense.

I won't pants before nine.

I won't pants with a friend and a cactus.

I won't pants during my meditation practice.