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Ugly Christmas Suit Will Crush the Ugly Christmas Sweater, Stomp on Its Grave

Photo: Shinesty

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The Ugly Christmas Sweater craze has run its course. It's 2014. Consider purchasing the Ugly Christmas Sweater Suit. It's your one-way ticket to being the loudest guy at the holiday party and terrorizing your mom at any family function, regardless of the time of year. All it will cost you is $110.

The offending matching separates come from online retailer Shinesty, which specializes in outfits for themed events, including America, '80s, tennis, golf, westerns, and the holidays, of course. The company's mission statement reads, "We believe that, when worn correctly, awesome retro clothing can help you start conversations, get you out of trouble, or be a major contributing factor in the creation of a small human that looks strikingly similar to you." This suit could get you irresponsibly laid. Lucky kids.

This is apparently how you wear the suit correctly, thus ensuring you can conceive: