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In her latest What Price Glory? column on Vogue.com, Lynn Yaeger lets us know how she feels about the idea of Coachella: it "fills me with horror." The industry savant admits that the whole process is baffling—long lines, dust, sweat, underbutt, etc.—but, since no fashion writer can escape a festival post during Coachella season, she turned to retailers like Strawberry, Forever21, and Free People to find some fringe-laden styles for a non-Coachella-goer's guide to festival dressing. However, she took the opportunity to take down music festivals in general, glamping, and even the name of Coachella along the way.
"I am not like you. The idea of a music festival fills me with horror—the long lines at the Port-o-sans, the dust, the inability to see or hear the musical acts allegedly taking place miles away. Still, because I keep hearing about it, I go to the Coachella website (I am so out of the loop that I when I first learned of it, I thought it was thusly named because it was sponsored by Coach) and, just for science, plan an imaginary trip. Unfortunately, the glamping tents, the ones that cost $6,500—but that's for two people!—and have air conditioning and living rooms large enough to accommodate a suburban sectional sofa, are sold out—but as this trip is purely hypothetical, why should that matter?"
For more fun, compare her picks to what folks actually chose to wear this year.