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Crucial Update

Free People Selling Clip-In Dreads Because Everything Is Awful

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Upon discovering that Free People sells dread lock extensions, one might be suspended in an ocean of feeling. Waves of shock, rage or disgust are totally natural, unlike the item itself. When you then realize the dreads come in two colorways, each costing $128, those feelings might wash over you again. That's alright. To help you cope, here's a list of possible reactions and what they can mean. You'll get through this. We know you will.

1. "Hey, that's neat."

Congrats! You are a tween.

2. "I'm disgusted that people can't even grow their own dreadlocks. In my day, you forewent showers, brushing and general hygiene to earn the right to say 'eff you, mom and society!'"

Congrats! You're an old.

3. "So you're paying $128 for dryer lint with fake flowers stuck in it, basically. Okay, that's on you. But you shouldn't be able to clip on and clip off your social rebellion."

Congrats! You're correct.

· Free People Expands its Festival Offerings to Teepees [Racked]
· Aw Crap, You Sold Us on That $100 Toothpaste [Racked]