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The pilot episode of ABC's Quantico has so much — so, so much — going on. Explosions! Car sex! Heavy-handed feminist dialogue! Secret twins! A gay who's maybe faking it! Mormons! It's 40-some-odd minutes of Shonda Rhimes level drama, despite it living no where near Shondaland.
The show follows a class of FBI recruits as they train at the Quantico, Virginia center. After the largest terrorist attack since 9/11 hits New York, the investigators allege it was an inside job among the trainees. Was it the lead Alex Parrish (played by Priyanka Chopra, the inhumanly gorgeous Bollywood star) or was she framed? Or was it one of the many other suspicious parties that all have mysterious backstories and possible motives, et cetera, et cetera.
That's all fine and really fun to watch, but the important thing you should know is that it's an FBI drama with a whodunnit twist. The plot holes practically write themselves. And, wow, are there plot holes. Some plot holes are sexier than others, and we're only interested in the sexy ones because this is solid trash TV. It's not that serious. They are as follows:
Alex's hair is undoubtedly the best hair on television. It's the height of blow-out perfection, which is great for having a visual representation of the upper most bar for good hair, but not always good for plausibility.
Exhibit A: In the opening minutes, Alex goes for a run and rushes to catch a plane, sprinting past her mom, who tells her she's going to be late. So: Cardiovascular exercise followed by rushing and various forms of travel. It's a bad combo for hair. On the flight, however, Alex's blow-out holds strong, free of the ravages of stale air circulation and high altitude.
Then, at the end of all the running and rushing and driving and flying, she has sex with a stranger (Jake McLaughlin) in his car — arguably the most awkward place for stranger sex, space-wise — and her hair looks phenomenal! Better than ever even!
A couple scenes later and we flash forward to Alex waking up in the middle of rubble. After you put together the mass destruction thing, the next focus is on her perfect ponytail with the bangs just so. It's practically bouncing out of the screen.
There can only be two reasons for the mind-boggling excellence of her hair: the show figured its ABC audience would rather see hot than real, which is probably a safe assumption. Or later episodes will reveal that Alex is a fembot sent from space to take down the FBI from the inside.
The uniforms are less a plot hole and more a science mystery. They shouldn't be flattering on everyone. They're khaki cargo pants (belted!) with long underwear tops. But even the squirrly white dude with glasses has a nice, taught thermal.
The lesson here, maybe, is that preternaturally hot people (actors) can look desirable in anything. Quantico's wardrobe department is the unsung genius of the small screen in terms of allowing the main characters to look damn good in what's essentially a small step up from hospital scrubs. But in terms of making it easier for an audience to fully accept them as FBI agents-in-training, there's room for improvement.
This Guy's Biceps
The show cast one trainee, Caleb Haas (Graham Rogers), as a soft rich kid riding on his parent's legacy. He can't shoot guns, he doesn't know basic fighting techniques, and he can't do pull ups. Wait, he can't do pull ups? This jacked guy who probably spends most of his gym time on upper body strength can't complete the pull up test? He says, "What? I smoke" by way of excuse, but it's not like he's running the mile! He's using his already ripped body! This body:
THAT can't do pull ups?
That can't DO pull UPS?
That CAN'T do PULL ups?
Quantico, action thriller, is good fun TV. It's nice to see women breaking gender roles, a south Asian in the lead role, and a muscly, blond guy flail about as if he can't do a pull up. The stilted feminist dialogue will make a great drinking game some day, and ultimately you'll be medium-low interested in who actually dunnit. Consider the plot holes like a bonus game of "spot the difference." A sexy bonus game.