Do Not Try to Steal Serena Williams's Phone, Because She Will Find You

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Why, out of all the celebrities in the world, would a burglar would choose to steal Serena Williams's phone? Not only is she one of the greatest athletes in history, but she's also been known to return impoliteness with, well, equal impoliteness. But because idiots exist, last night a man attempted to steal Serena Williams's phone.

Via a Facebook post this morning, Serena explains that it all began when a man stood creepily close to her table at a Chinese restaurant, and "something (I have now dubbed it my SUPERHERO sense) told me to watch him," she writes. Eventually, he grabbed the phone and hurried out the door, causing Serena to do what any professional athlete would: Run.

But what happened when she inevitably caught up with him is the best part: Instead of using physical violence, she simply asked kindly whether he'd taken the wrong phone. Then, so that he couldn't possibly lie about it, her dinner companion (to whom she refers as the Quailman to her SuperSerena; we'll get back to that in a minute) FaceTimed the phone.

Long story short, he gave it back, and Serena received a standing ovation from the restaurant. "Superhero? Maybe?" she wrote. "Or HELL YEA!! I've got the speed the jumps, the power, the body, the seduction, the sex appeal, the strength, the leadership and yet the calm to weather the storm." She ended it with this message: "Just because you are a lady don't be afraid to step up to any challenge and not be a victim but a hero! SuperSerena and her sidekick quailman."

Which, of course brings us back to the question: Who is Quailman? While evidence suggests it's her new rumored boyfriend, Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian, there is another possibility: Quailman is the alter ego of a certain rapper with an aviary alias.

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