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Crucial Update

Stop Doing Things to Your Private Parts for Journalism

Photo: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images

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HEY DO YOU WANT TO SEND YOUR VAGINA TO A DAY SPA FOR JOURNALISM, WELL DON'T

YOGURT DOESN'T GO THERE AND YOGURT DOESN'T COME FROM THERE

RELATED: NO NEED TO WRITE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S VAG 'GURT

STEAM CLEANING YOUR VAGINA FOR LIFESTYLE SITES? DON'T DO IT FOR THE STORY NOT EVEN AS A JOKE

IS GWYNETH PALTROW A GYNO? NOPE

DOES ANYONE MISS VAJAZZLING? NOPE

DOES YOUR UTERUS NEED AN EXORCISM? ALMOST DEFINITELY BUT THAT'S BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR GOD

ALERT THE MULTITUDES THAT YOUR VAGINA CAN FEED 5,000 EXCEPT IT DEFINITELY CAN'T, SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT FILING THAT STORY

IS YOUR VAGINA A CLAIRVOYANT? PROBABLY NOT

ONE THING PUBLISHING'S NOT MISSING IS A STORY ABOUT FREE PLATONIC VAGINA CUDDLING CAFES, BUT THERE'S STILL TIME AND THAT'S DISCONCERTING FOR SURE

ALSO ALSO CHOCOLATE BUTTHOLES NOT NOW, NOT EVER, NOT EVEN FOR A PULITZER

NO BRONZE EITHER PLEASE