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Justin Bieber, cultural whipping boy, was treated to round after round of smack talk on Comedy Central Roast on Saturday. Hosts Kevin Hart, Snoop Dogg, and Martha Stewart welcomed guests like Ludacris, Will Ferrell appearing as Ron Burgundy, and Broad City's Hannibal Buress to rip the singer a new one.
If roasts don't appeal to you then–congratulations!–your tendency toward schadenfreude is less developed than your more cynical brethren! But for many, this was the necessary salve for all the time Bieber has stolen with childish behavior, terrible headlines, and all the mental effort dedicated to ridding our heads of "Baby" once and for all. With that, some jokes:
1. Hannibal Buress: "Actually, you should thank me for participating in this extremely transparent attempt to be more likable in the public eye. I hope it doesn't work."
2. Ludacris: "He may have turned 21, but Justin will always be a baby to me. Since babies (urinate) everywhere and never know when to shut up."
3. Shaquille O'Neal: "Justin, as a father of six you have to straighten up, son. Last year, you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-un didn't rank that low, and he uses your music to torture people."
4. Kevin Hart: "Selena Gomez couldn't be here tonight. Just because she didn't want to be here."
5. Jeff Ross: "You are the King Joffrey of Pop."
6. Will Ferrell playing Ron Burgundy: "This kid has spunk, moxie, and a few other STDs."
7. Chris D'Elia: "I'm proud of you. You have it all. You are literally a guy who has it all, except for respect, love, friends, good parents, and a Grammy."
8. Martha Stewart: "Justin you have no idea what you're in for. I'm sure it's great to have 60 million followers on Twitter, but the only place people will be following you in jail is into the shower."
9. Kevin Hart: "Justin has fans in middle school or staying 500 feet away from one."
10. Ludacris: "Justin Bieber wants to be black so bad, he's actually seen Kevin Hart's movies in theaters."
Watch these put downs and more March 30 on Comedy Central.