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Kate Middleton Had a Baby! And We Liveblogged It! Again!

Kate Middleton, royal baby incubator, is giving an encore. Since she is the wife of Prince William of Wales, heir to the English throne, all the world is invited to participate in the media shit show that's preceded the birth of royals since time immemorial. We're rolling out updates on all the rumors from the Lindo Wing of Saint Mary's Hospital in London, true and patently untrue. So come, watch the happy, weird event unfold. It'll be politely-sized good fun.

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Saturday, May 2

All photos Getty Images

1:25pm

Behold, the Princess's first fashion credit.

1:16pm

Kate is wearing a bespoke Jenny Packham silk shift dress with a buttercup print.

1:12pm

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have left the Lindo Wing with their new princess. World, meet the Royal Baby.

12:32pm

Prince William and Kate extend a royal thank you to the hospital staff at St. Mary's Lindo Wing, in addition to their many well-wishers, which includes fellow birthday boy David Beckham.

12:31pm

Kensington Royal has confirmed that Prince William and Kate will be leaving St. Mary's this evening. The Twitter account has also let us know that Prince George is already back at Kensington Palace.

11:15am

And now William plus Prince George are back at the hospital. Not long now.

10:56am

Prince William's first comment as a father of a prince and princess? He is "very happy."

10:54am

Prince William, yes just Prince William descended the stairs of the Lindo Wing to visit Prince George at home. That's him, the newly crowned father of two, in blue.

10:11am

Kensington Palace posted a close up of the birth notice before it got easled.

10:10am

There are two things we're waiting on at this point: The formal introduction of Britain's new royal, which you can await with the best feature of this new age of royal birthing, the Lindo Wing livestream. It's a livestream of a hospital door, a door that Kate Middleton and Prince Williamand  will walk through with the princess eventually (rumor is about 4:00pm London time but WHO KNOWS REALLY).

The second thing is the official name of the little one. Here are some suggestions from clueless Americans, should they have sway over Kate Middleton and co.


10:01am

The Tower Bridge will be lit up in pink tonight, in honor of Prince William and Kate's new princess.

9:27am

The Royal Navy has sent their well wishes to Prince William and Kate. Here is "Sister" spelled out at HMS Lancaster.

8:50am

Glam squad is a go.


8:00am

The royal announcement made it to the royal easel in front of Buckingham Palace, where the sex and the weight was announced of new royals has been announced before Twitter.


7:15am

Here we have the cherished tradition of a man of fancy pants, a.k.a. "the royal crier," announcing the birth of the princess.


Sweet Betsy, she had a girl!

Friday,  May 1

7:53am

Even more traffic cones arrive on the premises, leading increasingly impatient onlookers to believe that today very well could be The Day.

Thursday,  April 30

Crucial update: Princes Charles is hoping for a girl. He reportedly told a 100-year-old Welsh veteran "we're hoping for a granddaughter."

Wednesday,  April 29

4:11pm

Insanity begins to set in at five days past the official due date.

12:07pm

Prince Charles and Camilla lookalikes arrived outside the Lindo Wing. Last time around, Kate and Wills impersonators were sent by The Sun so that everyone wouldn't die of boredom while impatiently awaiting a human birth.


3:04am

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Tuesday, April 28

5:06pm

In lieu of any real updates, what's up with that line-of-succession, right? Basically, the royal question mark is displacing Prince Harry, putting her or him fourth in line after grandfather, Prince Charles.


2:07pm

Apparently the flurry of activity on the wires this morning was due to this fake tweet that was created using one of the myriad of fake tweet engines available to the internet in this brave new world.


11:55am

Anyone who knows anything about birth knows that you can't drive a car and be in labor at the same time, you dummies.


kate middleton pastries

Photo: Getty

9:35am

No word yet on the actual birth, so we're calling the police increase a false positive. HOWEVER a full four days past her due date, we hear some old royalists camped out by the hospital are eating pastries allegedly sent by Prince William and Kate. Ah, the sweet nectar of distraction.


8:14am

An increase in guards outside the Lindo Wing of St. Mary's Hospital in London, the preferred birthing zone of Kate Middleton, has put everyone on their toes. But as we know from being burned the first time around, increased police presence can mean nothing. NOTHING.