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Crucial Update

Any NBA Draftee Not Wearing Maroon Looked Like a Real Jerk, Is Probably Bad at Sports

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By Kenzie Bryant
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It's the Burgundy Bros!
It's the Burgundy Bros!
Getty

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The 2015 NBA draft, during which basketball teams all across America sign promising young talent, went down tonight. For those interested in sports, this is exciting. For everyone else, it's a moment to observe the players who peacocked the hardest.

Our friends at SBNation informed us that "only the best few players will be in funny clothes, so if there's somebody in funny clothes they're probs important." But it must go deeper than that. It has to! Within the group of sharply dressed men, how do we know who's the most important, the most "in," the most likely to quit sports, start a band, and go on tour together? Well, they got a memo, and that memo explicitly stated, "Wear a mix of black and maroon or at least something on the red spectrum, or you're going to look like a real jerk."

This guy got it:

This guy got it:

This guy managed to get it even while shopping at Hot Topic ten years ago:

Both of these guys got it:

This guy basically counts:

Collectively, they all got it:

The guy with the shoes between the smoking slippers and bedazzled weapon-loafers got it:

Now, look at this asshole in blue:

He looks like a real jerk and is probably bad at sports.

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