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- Automated massage chair-massage at your local laundromat
- 1/2 pound of organic chicken breast
- Garbage travel-sized conditioner Sephora positions at the checkout line
- A pack of pens marketed towards girls called "Fashion Sticks"
- Four dollars (plus processing charge) to the Let's Give Bob Dylan a Nice Bed! GoFundMe
- The Other Woman starring Natalie Portman on Blu-ray
- Almost a whole door knob from Anthropologie
- In-app purchase during a hard level of Angry Birds 2
- Five years of owning the domain name fartshop.com
- Four packs of bobby pins. You always need more bobby pins.
- Twelve-pack of Taco Bell's New Cap'n Crunch Delights
- Betty and Veronica Double Digest No. 139
- Assorted "Keep Calm and Carry On" merchandise on clearance at Target
- Two months of Laguna Beach's Kristen Cavallari's eponymous lifestyle app
- 100 off-brand Vitamin D capsules
- Five oysters at happy hour
- Two meatballs from the Whole Foods hot bar
- Misspelled inner lip tattoo
- Box of cardboard "earth friendly" tampons
- Bouquet of rainbow-dyed carnations from the check-out aisle
- Joke Venmo money exchange to show the world at large you have friends and disposable income
- Really good hot dog
- Nameplate keychain memento spelled the less common way your name is sometimes spelled
- Pair of comedy vampire teeth from Party City
- Moisturizing Korean snailmask
Claire Carusillo lives in a bedroom in New York City. Follow @clocarus for an open discussion of books, bread, and eyebrows.