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Crucial Update

The Most Irresistible Rumors You Won't Hear During #NoKardashiansForAWeek Week

From August 17th to 21st, Perez Hilton is taking a vacation from covering the Kardashians and any Kardashian-adjacent humans on his blog. He's called it #NoKardashiansForAWeek week, and he's rallying other media organizations to join him (this guy is definitely on board).

Here's everything we'll miss during this media blackout, probably.

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18. Beyonce Instagrams a Picture of Kim, Says Nice Thing

17. Rob Kardashian Flaunts Bikini Body — How He Lost 110 Pounds Just By Hating His Family!

16. All of the Kardashian/Jenners Are Secretly Enrolled in Ivy League Colleges — And Getting Straight A's!

15. Kris Humphries Dead

14. Kanye Communicates with Alien Overlord Tarth; Says "Tarth is the Best Alien Overlord in the Galaxy"

13. Kris Jenner FINALLY Admits to OJ Affair, But Claims "Kato Kaelin Is Khloe's Real Dad"

12. North West and Penelope Disick in Playground Brawl; 6 Injured, 1 Missing

11. French Montana Convicted of Fraud; Not French OR from Montana

10. Kendall Jenner Loses Right Leg

9. Kendall Jenner Flaunts Left Leg

8. Kylie Jenner Admits Lips Are Fake — As Are Face, Body, Mind; She's a Cyborg, It Turns Out

7. Kim's Cat Mercy Returns! From the DEAD

6. Kris Jenner STUN Gunned a Mall Cop; You Have to See the Pics!

5. Scott Disick Crashes Benz into Pyramids on Benzo Bender, Yells at Mummy; Why Kourtney Still Misses Him

4. Surprise! Khloe Weds LeBron James and Others in Polygamous Marriage Cult; See Her Curvy Group Wedding Look!

3. Adorable Family Pics! Bruce Jenner, the Bunny, and His 27 Crazy-Cute Baby Bunnies

2. Caitlyn Jenner Transitioning... Out of Being a Celebrity. Watch Her Flaunt a Sexy Nun's Habit in These Aerial Abbey Shots!

1. Kim Cheats on Kanye — with Taylor Swift [PICS]