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Crucial Update

Welcome to Shondaland, the Most Dramatic Place on Earth

Photo: Getty Images/Jupiterimages

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Much hubbub has been made of the upcoming Star Wars Park at Disney World, but less has been made about the soon-to-open theme park revolving around another notable Mouse-owned property: the completely real, why-would-I-make-something-like-this-up Shondaland theme park, a collection of rides and attractions inspired by super-creator Shonda Rhimes and her powerful crop of ABC shows.

Rhimes is the producer of the entire Thank God It's Thursday (#TGIT, but you knew that) lineup: Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, and How to Get Away with Murder. Her shows are a massive hit among women and gay men ages 19 to — I don't know — 70. Yes, she appeals to the sector of the population least likely to attend a theme park of their own volition — until now. Finally, a "happiest place on earth" for us.

The sprawling, 150-acre park is divided into three sections, each of which pays homage it's own program. But first, take a stroll down Main Shonda, U.S.A. where you'll find stores selling vintage "Mrs. McDreamy" tees, bumperstickers that'll turn your Nissan Sentra into the "Popemobile," and Criminal Law 100 branded kitchen chalkboards. Hungry? Pop into Mellie's Deli for a Michaela Michelada, Cyrus's Jelly Beans, or a Yangsicle. (Ask for it with a shot of Bailey's Irish Creme!)

There's even a beautifully constructed, well-lit pavilion dedicated to your own shocking confessions and betrayals. It's the perfect place to accuse your best friend of stabbing you in the back, reveal that your kids are adopted, or to admit you've been sleeping with your sister's husband. Sadly Private Practice Island and the Crossroads Country Bear Jamboree had to be shuttered due to lack of interest, but there's plenty of fun to be had in the areas dedicated to the other, long-running shows.

Check out the park before it's overrun with bachelorette parties, #fab40 celebrations, and other crying, paranoid, red-wine-drunk revelers!

Scandalville

Olitz Mountain

This twisting, turning, up and down and up and down, classic rollercoaster follows the twists, turns, ups and downs and ups and downs of the classically tumultuous relationship between expert fixer Olivia Pope and President Fitzgerald Grant III. They're in love, they hate each other, her dad's trying to kill him, they're making out in the Oval Office on election day, his wife wants her exiled, they're doing it, she's with someone else, he's not really president, all of it. It's not meant to be a happy coaster — it's meant to be a great one.

Huck's House of Horrors

Enter Huck's House of Horrors very, very carefully. Following the difficult trajectory of tech expert/actual torturer Huck Finn (née Diego Muñoz), you'll want to strap in. You'll wheel by Huck's youth as a Marine, his time in the torture-training facility, and his loss of everything, watching as live actors re-enact Huck's expert waterboarding and homelessness. But when Huck meets Olivia Pope, this calm (if terrifying) trip down memory lane turns into a tilt-a-whirl, and the ride of your life.

Mad Wine Glasses

Climb up into these long-stemmed glasses — one rider per goblet please! — and swirl, twirl, and try not to tip over as you recreate an Olivia Pope night in. Post-ride popcorn is complimentary, if you're not too shaken up.

Grey's Ana-town-my

Lexie Grey's Wild Ride

In this 3D simulation, you, Dr. Lexie Grey, and your fellow doctors board a plane to Boise, Idaho to separate a pair of conjoined twins. Your ex-boyfriend Dr. Mark Sloan is there and you are determined to win him back. It sure is exciting! Medicine! Family! Planes! Romance! What could go wrong? Wait, is that turbulence?

Hall of Residents

In this astounding interactive exhibit, you'll meet incredibly life-like animatronic recreations of all of the many surgeons, chiefs of staff, physicians, department heads, and surgical residents who have graced Seattle Grace's halls.

Lights up on Alex Karev, the hot doc with the bad attitude, talking about his difficult father and many, many, many failed relationship. Lights up on Izzie Stevens, dead guy lover and difficult actress, who talks about her best friendship with George O'Malley, another dead guy. Lights up on Dr. Lexie Grey, Meredith's sister and plane crash non-survivor, who talks about the future she'll never share with Mark Sloan. Lights up on Shane Ross, cute guy, talking about his brief sexual affair with Dr. Christina Yang. Lights up, lights up, more lights up. You'll say to yourself, "Oh my god, is this still going?" More lights will come up, showing Dr. Owen Hunt, he has red hair and stuff. More lights: Jackson Avery, a.k.a. Dr. Pretty Eyes Intern Dater. More lights: April Kepner, who has some kind of personality trait. More lights. More lights. More lights.

Please reserve like 180 minutes for this attraction. All exits will be blocked until every doctor has spoken.

The Seattle Grace (Operating) Theater

With two shows daily, you're guaranteed to enjoy the soaring highs and moving lows of the Operating Theater. A cast of surgeons sings, dances, and performs real, death-defying (we hope!) medical procedures, including heart transplants, kidney retrievals, intervenaial replacements, posterior touchups, foreign object removals, gun shot wound treatment, brain switches, and gallbladder cleansing. Talk about killing it on stage!

How to Get Away with Murderland

Professor Keating's Haunted On-Campus Mansion

As you enter the home of Professor Annalise Keating and her husband Sam, you'll notice that something is not...quite...right. Although they present a happy facade, you'll soon find, as you explore the palatial Victorian home, that not everything is what it seems. First, you'll hear screams, curses and truly chilling intra-marital insults (not cool, Sam). You'll be treated to unsettling sites like Annalise crying and wig-less and winning the shit out of an Emmy, the spectre of Sam's murderer teen girlfriend and their unborn son, law students complaining just way, way, way too much about their workload, and finally, Sam laying facedown on the floor in a pool of blood. And you're the only suspect.

Asher Millstone's Pleasure Island

Woooo! On this perpetual party isle there's booze, there's music, there's beer pong, there are posters of half naked ladies, and there are chips, probably, most of the time. Yes, here, the fun don't stop, and no one is thinking about exams.

Plus, it's deserted! Like, really, no one comes here. Spread out, relax, do whatever. There's no one here but you and the cute-but-jerky guard from Orange is the New Black. Drink up, for as long as you can stand him, or sleep with him, and lie about it. No one will know.

Frank's Girl

We can't detail this ride for legal reasons, but trust us when we say you're going to want to ride this ride, which also goes by the name Frank Delfino.