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Please allow Jen to come to dinner at grandma's wearing that. Socks with heels never hurt anyone and some consider sweatsuits very "in" right now.
Thanks for your understanding,
Dear coworker drinks attendees,
Please excuse Jen from dressing like a person. She will arrive encased in a single, giant Ugg boot. Just pour the cocktails inside the boot.
Dear Tinder date,
Please excuse Jen from wearing pants. She'll continue to wear the leggings with multiple crotch holes on this date. That's not like a sex thing. You're lucky this is happening at all.
Dear fellow public transportation passengers,
Please excuse Jen for appearing to have bobbed for apples in a bucket of Aquaphor. There were no apples involved.
Dear dinner party host and her guests,
Please excuse Jen from trying to decipher the words "casual cocktail" on your invite. She'll show up in a knee-length sweater under a down comforter over long underwear lined with a thin layer of petroleum jelly. It's 8 degrees tonight. Judgement freezes at 22 degrees.
Thanks so much,
Dear fellow dance club participants,
Please excuse Jen from the onus of wearing heels, tights, a dress, and whatever else is appropriate in dance-y situations. She'll survive the night by crawling into a freshly deceased horse carcass with Leonardo Dicaprio.
Looking forward to it!
Dear judge and jury,
Please excuse Jen in general, as she's wearing the gloves, hats, scarves, ponchos, footwear, and coats gathered from all the people who look cute in snowy environs on Pinterest, whom she's systematically murdered.