Cookie banner

This site uses cookies. Select "Block all non-essential cookies" to only allow cookies necessary to display content and enable core site features. Select "Accept all cookies" to also personalize your experience on the site with ads and partner content tailored to your interests, and to allow us to measure the effectiveness of our service.

To learn more, review our Cookie Policy, Privacy Notice and Terms of Use.

or
clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Crucial Update

This Is Your Winter Fashion Pass

When winter descends, all should stay in doors with Netflix and non-perishables until the first signs of spring. But if you must leave your home, you deserve (and probably require) a fashion pass, excusing you from the burden of dressing like a functioning member of society, and not like an old mattress. When the thermometer dips below freezing, whip out one of the helpful examples below.

Photo: Jupiter Images/Getty Images

Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for The Goods by Vox. You can also see what we’re up to by signing up here.

Dear Mom,

Please allow Jen to come to dinner at grandma's wearing that. Socks with heels never hurt anyone and some consider sweatsuits very "in" right now.

Thanks for your understanding,

Jen


Dear coworker drinks attendees,

Please excuse Jen from dressing like a person. She will arrive encased in a single, giant Ugg boot. Just pour the cocktails inside the boot.

Thanks,

Jen


Dear Tinder date,

Please excuse Jen from wearing pants. She'll continue to wear the leggings with multiple crotch holes on this date. That's not like a sex thing. You're lucky this is happening at all.

Best,

Jen


Dear fellow public transportation passengers,

Please excuse Jen for appearing to have bobbed for apples in a bucket of Aquaphor. There were no apples involved.

Kindest regards,

Jen



Dear dinner party host and her guests,

Please excuse Jen from trying to decipher the words "casual cocktail" on your invite. She'll show up in a knee-length sweater under a down comforter over long underwear lined with a thin layer of petroleum jelly. It's 8 degrees tonight. Judgement freezes at 22 degrees.

Thanks so much,

Jen


Dear fellow dance club participants,

Please excuse Jen from the onus of wearing heels, tights, a dress, and whatever else is appropriate in dance-y situations. She'll survive the night by crawling into a freshly deceased horse carcass with Leonardo Dicaprio.

Looking forward to it!

Jen


Dear judge and jury,

Please excuse Jen in general, as she's wearing the gloves, hats, scarves, ponchos, footwear, and coats gathered from all the people who look cute in snowy environs on Pinterest, whom she's systematically murdered.

Regards,

Jen