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Actually, No, Khloe Kardashian’s Jeans Aren’t All Hype

I like to imagine that several mad scientists with big butts made these in a lab somewhere.

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Khloe Kardashian in Good American jeans Photos: Good American

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When the news of Khloe Kardashian’s joint denim venture with Emma Grede trickled into my Instagram feed, I thought the same thing you probably did. “Good for her.” Scroll, scroll, scroll.

Khloe’s the Kardashian I’m always most proud of (maybe it’s because my brother is the Kim of the family). But favoritism aside, I can’t say that I was initially intrigued by Good American. Sure, it makes a ton of sense, since Khlo has been wearing a slew of bodysuits and jeans lately, but I haven’t put on a pair myself since somewhere around the “Teach Me How to Dougie” phenomenon.

It wasn’t until I saw pics of Good American’s #GoodSquad (thank you, Instagram ads) that I started to take this project seriously. I recognized a few of Khloe’s curvy co-stars and it finally hit — if these fit them, they’ll fit me!

Jeans have always been a fucking hassle for me. If they fit my butt, there’s a gap in the waistband. If I get a smaller size to fit my waist, they’re too tight — and then comes camel toe. If you’re shopping and see a pair of jeggings and wonder who the hell is still wearing them, it’s me. ‘Cause they fit.

You can’t buy a Kardashian-branded product without a plan. I live in LA, and everything sells out. I thought I’d play it safe and not go to one of our most popular shopping destinations, The Grove — an outdoor shopping mall where celebs go to get a good photo op with their kids. Too close to Hollywood. I’ll go to Torrance, I thought. It’s gotta be more chill in Torrance. (Side note: Torrance’s most notable quality is that it was the namesake of Kirsten Dunst’s character in Bring it On. That’s where you’ve heard that word before.)

Good American jeans The Good Waist jeans, $169

As soon as I hit Nordstrom, the Good American presence was everywhere. From Khlo’s toned abdomen flashing on the glass doors to larger-than-life backdrops of her #GoodSquad all up and through the damn place. My plan of avoiding a crowd in Torrance was crumbling.

The Good American denim table — there are three core styles: Good Waist, Good Legs, and Good Cuts — had clearly been picked over. There were only a few sizes left in each wash, and they were going fast. Khloe mentioned in an interview, or perhaps in another Instagram ad, that all the sizes would be offered together. No going to the plus section, just all styles in one place. As someone on the border between straight sizes and plus, this was ecstasy.

Mother-and-daughter combos were peeling through the pants in search of sizes. You’d never guess that these were around $200 a pop with the armloads of denim they carried around. I couldn’t help but think that these teens had it good. Well, sort of — there was a lot of this sort of thing:

“Are you sure these will fit you?”

“Yeah Mom, if they fit Khloe they’ll fit me for sure.”

“Okay well bring a size up into the fitting room ‘cause you really never know.”

I took the mystery mom’s advice and grabbed a 12 and a 14 before heading to the fitting room. At the last moment, I walked back to snag a 10. Hey, why not. The fitting room clerk was more than happy to see that I was trying on a few pairs. “Hey, can you tell me how these fit when you’re done? I’ve been meaning to try them ‘cause like, if they fit Khloe I know they’ll fit me.”

I tried on the 10 first and it was LIT. The stretch is unbelievable. A salesperson pointed out it’s a four-way stretch so the jeans really, really hug you. The waistband is super stretchy, too, so it fits snugly on your waist — no bulky band sitting on my muffin top, no siree. They suck you in a bit but they’re still soft and breathable. They feel just as good as my sweet, sweet jeggings. I think you could actually wear these on a long flight if you wanted to.

The pockets are high up enough that you can still get a cute under-pocket booty crease going on. I think they run a bit big; I could have gone for a size 8 if I wanted to, which is a number I haven’t seen since the “Lean Wit It Rock Wit It” phenomenon. I like to imagine that several mad scientists with big butts made these in a lab somewhere and yelled “Eureka!” at the sight of the finished product, they were just that good. They fit Khloe, and dammit, they fit me, too.

Sadly, while the 10 fit like a dream, they didn’t have them in the style and wash I wanted. You win again, women of Torrance. I’ll be buying them online and bracing my jeggings for the new changes coming into the household.