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The Swan Song of an Obsessive Online Shopper

To the tune of Little Mermaid’s ‘Part of Your World.’

Walt Disney Co./Everett Collection

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Look at my stuff

Isn't it neat?

Even though I’ve collected some heat

Wouldn't you say I'm the boy...

The boy who has nothing?

Look at these shops

Treasures untold

How many wonders does Très Bien hold?

Surfing for jawnz on here you’d think

Sure I’m the most swagless


I’ve got Raf Simons and Gucci for weeks

I’ve got Yohji and Rick Owens galore

You want fire sneaks?

Hit the boutique

Because who cares

Can’t get enough

Must cop more


I want to flex where the people are

I wanna see...

Want to see their jaws drop

Staring right at my

Whad-ya call ‘em? Oh, alphettsssss

Going to the mall, your ‘fit’s trash

Shopping is required for stunting, ‘gramming

Making everyone smash that

(What's that word again?) MF Like button


Up where they don’t run

Because sneakers are deadstock

Up where they can pronounce Dries Van Noten

Following Tweets

Wish I could be

Part of that crew

What would I give

If I could live

Just like Jonah Hill?

What would I do

If I could be

Somebody’s boo?


Betcha in Japan

They understand

Bet they don’t drag their sons doing it for the culture

Fitted out young men

Sick of the trends

Ready to Snap


And ready to shop where influencers do

Answer my questions and find out who’s a god?

What’s a fire jawn and why’s it

What’s the word? Liiiiiiiiit


Where is my fit?

Wouldn’t I love, love to extend my credit limit

What’s in my cart

Is what’s in my heart

My greatest cop