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Crucial Update

Find Your Super Bowl 50 Boyfriend!

Illustration by Brittany Holloway-Brown

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Football! A sport that brings Americans together with wings and wings together with beer and beer together with commercials involving horses. It also brings fans and sport agnostics alike together with their pretend boyfriends. Stay with us, please!

It's the 50th year of Super Bowl-ing, and to celebrate, we've created the second annual Super Bowl Boyfriend flowchart, in which we help you help yourself enjoy the game even more by ensuring you have a special honey to cheer for. These men each have some combination of great qualities: cuteness, general swagger, sense of humor, nice eyes, smiles, and maybe even football talent. So without further ado, make like a middle schooler, and find your imaginary significant other.