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Crucial Update

What Drake’s New Whiskey Tastes Like, Probably

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Over the weekend, in the midst of his stint as head coach for Team Canada in the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game, Drake posted a very mysterious Instagram photo that implied he would soon be coming out with his very own line of whiskey. "After that legendary moment what else is there to do but celebrate with class," he captioned the photo. Indeed.

Though we already know the forthcoming spirit's name — Virginia Black — what's still up in the air is what, exactly, Drake's whiskey will taste like. Below, a few predictions:

Hot love with notes of emotion, endlessly

His dignified tears, mixed with an underlying aroma of Meek's tears

His tears, specifically the tears he shed when Serena Williams lost the Grand Slam

His giant pool, which is bigger than Ye's, even though Ye's pool is nice

A Tuscan leather nose with a protein powder palate

Maple syrup, with a subtle hint of poutine

The Air Canada Centre, home of the Toronto Raptors, punctuated by turtleneck sweaters and Downy fabric softener

Nicki's dust, with a robust Madonna's lips finish

Myx moscato and the scent of 6 p.m. in New York

A hotter-than-wasabi body, emphasized by smog from the Six

The metaphorical bottom, with notes from the top