Racked is no longer publishing. Thank you to everyone who read our work over the years. The archives will remain available here; for new stories, head over to Vox.com, where our staff is covering consumer culture for The Goods by Vox. You can also see what we’re up to by signing up here.
For its April issue, Harper's Bazaar tasked Jennifer Aniston with an impossible assignment: handling a giant bird of prey while wearing custom Alexander McQueen.
The image, while odd, makes more sense when paired with the profile's headline, "Jennifer Aniston Takes Flight." But outside the parameters of celebrity magazine journalism, it's still a photo of Jennifer Aniston holding onto one of the dinosaurs' closest relatives.
Therefore, here are some alternative captions for the photo, using quotes from Friends exclusively:
1. Jen: "I'll be there for you." Bird: "Cause you're there for me tooooo."
2. Jen: "Oh ... my ... God."
3. Jen: "Here come the meat sweats."
4. Bird: "Sure, I peed on her. And I'd pee on any one of you!"
5. Jen: "Je m'appelle Claude." Bird: "Je te plee mloo."
6. Jen: "Could I BE wearing any more clothes?"
7. Bird: "How you doin'?"