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The bachelors of The Bachelor are required to be many things according to its 20-season track record: handsome in a generic, American Psycho sort of way, employed with some kind of vague title (i.e. "account manager"), and lily white. The exception to the latter two requirements being Venezuelan former professional footballer Juan Pablo Galavis, known best for being the most despised Bachelor in history.
They are not, however, required to dress well. In no Bachelor has this been more apparent than the franchise's last, Ben Higgins, who is "The Perfect Ben" in every way but one. His clothes, which range from mismatched V-neck and shorts to jackets with bizarre zipper placements.
In order to convince his final two lady loves, Jojo and Lauren B. (ABC still refers to her as such despite the fact that the other two Laurens this season have already been sent home rose-less) that they deserve someone who does not dress like a circa-2003 Old Navy catalog come to life, here is a taxonomy of Bachelor Ben's blandest outfits.
Here he is after unceremoniously (literally there was no rose ceremony) dumping Caila in Jamaica. Is he contemplating his decision to send her home, or his pairing of a teal V-neck with grey Bermuda shorts? Unclear.
Ben yells, "Viva la Mexico!" into the camera, as he is contractually required to do. Not required: the ever-so-slightly darker sleeves on his polo shirt.
One of just many instances in which the bachelorettes are dressed far more appropriate for the occasion than Ben. They went with elegant cocktail dresses. He went with a monochrome version of that weird shade between mint green, grey, and khaki.
Bachelor Ben gets a pass on this ensemble, because he was technically forced to wear it while walking in Fashion Week Mexico. I would bet a thousand dollars, though, that the khakis are his.
Small Town Ben
Real question: Did Ben borrow a pair of Amanda's daughters' tiny shorts during her hometown date?
Here, he's getting sent into the lion's den (i.e. Jojo's mean brothers) in brown on brown, which is a slightly more exciting shade than khaki, but not really.
This is the outfit Ben wore to meet Lauren B.'s family, as well as her amazing 18-year-old dog. Though the photo kind of makes it look like he's wearing socks and Birks, we can report that he put on real shoes for the occasion, sadly.
This is Ben's "I'm about to dump you" look: jeans, cardigan, grey T-shirt. Beware.
Ben comforts a crying child with the warm embrace of a bland V-neck tee.
Big City Ben
What makes this look so batshit isn't the sweater/corduroy blazer combo, but that it took place at a dinner table located in the center of Wrigley Field.
Big City Ben wears a leather jacket; Big City Ben does not necessarily pull off a leather jacket.
Ditto with Big City Ben and checkered blazers.
Big City Ben's rare foray into athleisure involved elbow patches.
Should-be Bachelorette Jubilee's confused facial expression is not directed at Ben's incredibly tight shirt, but should have been.
Here's Ben in his "I Just Dumped Your Twin Sister" button-down. It includes weird pockets.
Rose Ceremony Ben
Most boring of all, and appropriately the suit he chose on his first night as Bachelor Ben.
Fantasy Suite Ben
Ben's love for khaki wasn't about to be tested by the fact that he's in Jamaica.
Important question: Did Bachelor Ben re-wear the same khakis on his second Fantasy Suite date with Lauren B.?
We'll never know, because Ben and Jojo's final Fantasy Suite date included zero clothes at all. And that, really, is the bro-iest look of them all.