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April Fools' has gotten so out of hand, our distrust has seeped into the entire week leading up to it. When ELLE on Earth was published by "Jacques Hyzagi" it seemed like a set-up for an elaborate April Fools' joke (it wasn't). When news broke of Nas creating a clothing line inspired by Ghostbusters, we approached it with as much skepticism as Metro Boomin treats everything (the Nas line is, of course, a joke).
Brands have been ruining April Fools' day since the advent of the Internet. Yesterday, Trader Joe's pretended that it was closing down all its stores, kicking off the sludge of "news" we all know to actually not be news. That's what almost all these pranks are: news we all know to be more fitting for a bad The Onion rip-off than a news outlet — and that what makes them all the more irritating.
None of this logic has stopped fashion-related brands from getting in on the festivities. Here are all the hamfisted attempts to be funny.
H&M Is Collaborating With Mark Zuckerburg
This is the funniest of the bunch and one that maybe I just have a soft spot for as a fellow advocate for wearing mostly grey T-shirts. H&M imagines what a collection designed with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg would look like. The result is a pack that includes a grey T-shirt for every day of the week and "basic jeans."
Donald Trump Buys Billionaire Boys Club
Because we aren't dedicating enough of our mind space to Donald Trump's monstrosities, today someone is claiming that the Orange Creamsicle That's Been Dropped on the Ground bought and re-branded Pharrell's Billionaire Boys Club. There's even real Billionaire Mens Club products that were sent to us. The delivery person told us no less than three times that they were from Jimmy Fallon?? But that makes even less sense than this prank.
Nas Is Making a Ghostbusters-Inspired Clothing Line
This is the type of sleek and elaborate prank that can only be done with major movie studio money. Nas geeks out about Ghostbusters in interviews, shoots a video with the car from the movie, and got placements from Rolling Stone and Hypebeast. Mashable reports none of it's really happening, so if you got excited about this, joke's on you!
Kim Kardashian Is Suing Over "Selfie Pay"
Website Pyments wrote an entire article reporting that Kim Kardashian was suing Amazon, MasterCard, and Lucova for using technology that allows people to pay by selfies. At least this one was actually believable.
Lyst Is Breeding Chickens That Lay Pom Poms
Before even the roosters were crowing this morning, Lyst had already announced it was breeding special chickens that "poop pom poms." The idea was apparently inspired by the spiked interest in pom poms after Kylie Jenner posted a picture of her dog using one as a chew toy. You're better than this, Lyst. The other pranks were possible at least.
Hot Topic x Golden Girls
Now we're just really bummed this doesn't exist.
An April Fools' Day Joke We Don't Hate: GQ Gives Itself Over to George Constanza
GQ's prank will make April Fools' feel a lot more like Festivus. The site has been churning out content inspired by Seinfeld's George Constanza, like "The Beach Just Entered Its Goth Stage" and "4 Raincoats You'll Actually Want to Wear." Even major news that Hedi Slimane is leaving Saint Laurent got a touch of Georgie. That type of commitment is admirable.