Barron Trump Is 'Not a Sweatpants Child,' and Other Revelations From Melania Trump's GQ Interview

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The woman who could theoretically undergo the impossible task of following up Michelle Obama as First Lady of the United States was the subject of a GQ profile today, and it is pretty much what you would expect from someone who is married to Donald Trump. Below, a few things we learned:

- Her Dior wedding dress took 550 hours to make, included 1,500 cyrstals, and cost $100,000.

- Speaking of their wedding, the cake was five feet tall, and made of Grand Marnier.

- She's "great at picking out china patterns," according to a stylist who has worked with the Trumps, which is either a mediocre compliment or a very rude diss.

- Of her 10-year-old son, Barron, she says, "He's not a sweatpants child." She also wants him to someday be a "businessman and golfer." Seems attainable.

- Donald Trump has never heard his wife "fart or make a doodie," according to Donald Trump.

- Her first few years in New York sounded pretty miserable, according to this paragraph: "In New York, Melania lived a quiet, homebound life, taking assiduous care of her body: walks with ankle weights, seven pieces of fruit every day, diligently moisturizing her skin. She rarely partied, never brought anyone back to the apartment, and was always home early."

- Her caviar-infused anti-aging creams aren't selling very well, though her line of "affordable gem-spangled jewelry and watches" for QVC is.

- She does not Botox. "I think it's damaging your face, damaging your nerves," she says. "It's all me. I will age gracefully, as my mom does."

- A friend from Slovenia who wisely asked to remain anonymous described her thusly: "She's not stupid, she's not a bimbo, but she's not especially clever."

Read the full profile here.