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I Need More From Team USA’s Olympic Uniforms

(From left to right) Ryan Lochte, Haley Anderson, and Jordan Burroughs wearing Team USA's closing ceremony uniforms.
(From left to right) Ryan Lochte, Haley Anderson, and Jordan Burroughs wearing Team USA's closing ceremony uniforms.
Courtesy of Ralph Lauren

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We're 100 days away from the start of the Rio 2016 Olympic Games, which means the designer uniforms are coming in hot.

Team USA will be wearing Polo Ralph Lauren, of course. But wouldn't it be nice if there was something — anything — surprising about exactly what our greatest athletes will be wearing?

The brand debuted their "new" closing ceremony uniforms in a Today show segment Wednesday morning and they look like they could've been plucked straight from the mid-'90s.

Swimmer-turned-reality star Ryan Lochte, marathon swimmer Haley Anderson, and wrestler Jordan Burroughs did the modeling. Today's hosts casually praised Lochte's sense of style — comical considering he's an avid wearer of hideous sneakers and diamond-encrusted grills — but their enthusiasm for Polo's red, white, and blue was even more confusing.

Are you familiar with Garanimals? I just described it to my editor as, "matchy matchy clothing items you can buy that always match, for kids." And that's what this is, but for exceptionally fit adults.

There are oxford button-downs with USA printed across the back, coordinating striped tees to wear underneath, and the crispest, whitest twill cotton shorts you've ever seen. Add striped belts, boat shoes, and cotton wrist straps all in red, white, and blue (duh) to make it easy to mix and match into the tween prep school look of your dreams.

On the other hand, this is a pretty big improvement. Remember the blue berets of 2012? Or the gaudy patchwork cardigans Lauren made for Sochi's 2014 winter Olympics?

Being less than thrilled with Ralph Lauren's signature all-American aesthetic might be pretty un-American of me. But if Canada and Sweden are dressed better than us on the last day of the Olympics, are we truly #winning?

If, however, these uniforms resonate with you, the entire look is available to pre-order in men's, women's, and children's sizes starting today — no athletic skills necessary — and in select Ralph Lauren and Polo Ralph Lauren stores this May.

Check out the uniforms (and Lochte's awkward on-camera presence) in the Today show clip, below.